Is a boyfriend sleepover wise at just 14?

HOW I feel for your poor friend! I was 47 and very used to teenagers when my daughter reached 14 and it was still a total nightmare. Whatever you do, they denounce you for not understanding them. I remember sitting at the kitchen table with my tears flowing like an infinity pool. So please give this brave man my sympathy — along with that of all those reading who have raised a teenager and have the scars to prove it.

But to be serious, we have to consider that this girl lost her mother when she was seven, that her friends at school will have mums to talk to and that these young people need to be respected as well as guided.

These terrific kids (and yes, I do believe that, just as I know my own were lovely, too!) are madly in love and their feelings might develop into something more.

Forewarned is forearmed. You don’t want to make a big thing of it, smashing at their feelings and their fun with a sledgehammer of suspicion. on the other hand, puberty brings natural, powerful urges and no one wants an unwanted pregnancy.

The issue of sexual behaviour is notoriously hard to tackle. I see no reason for routine disbelief when she protests they aren’t having sex now, but any savvy person will realise they soon will be.

The trouble is, now they have begun sleeping in the same room, it’s rather late to go back and stop the arrangement. In my opinion it shouldn’t have happened in the first place, but I know how impossible it is to reason with a 14-year-old.

I wonder if your friend has spoken to the boyfriend’s parents? obviously his daughter will assure him they think it’s fine, but he should find out for himself. I think a quiet word with them is absolutely essential. Surely he can discover where they live and/ or their phone number?

And what if the boy’s parents say: ‘oh, we trust them so it’s fine’? Then your friend is in a difficult position, now the arrangement is already in place.

He could say he doesn’t like it but the boy can sleep over, as long as they ‘camp’ in the sitting room. This could be brought about by hiring a painter to redecorate her room, so she has to move out.

It could be made fun by buying a couple of camp beds (you can get them for around £20) and sleeping bags.

of course, when they’re downstairs Dad might well come down late at night to make a cup of tea — that could make the whole situation feel less intimate than the bedroom. It’s just a thought.

But young people will have sex anywhere and everywhere when the moment comes, and her struggling father knows that.

Perhaps you, as a female friend, could gently make sure the daughter knows she can talk to you (or another older woman) whenever she needs to.

After all, this fledgling love could well end in tears (as so many loves do) and she and her father will need support.