Bottom marks to Kate over those oh-so-revealing trews

Oh my eyes. excuse me. Cough, cough. Can we have a word about Kate’s trousers, please? The Duchess of Cambridge made an appearance on the scilly Isles recently in an appropriately themed pair of breeks.

silly? Perhaps ‘indecent’ is a better word. For her blue and white printed Gap trousers were tighter than two coats of paint, leaving absolutely nothing to the imagination except the identity of the royal lackey who sprayed them on. The only person in fashion history ever known to have worn tighter trousers is perhaps figure-skater Robin Cousins — or Rod stewart in his hot Legs heyday.

We all know sister Pippa’s shapely bottom made an impact at Kate’s wedding —but now the duch seems keen on stealing some botty thunder of her own.

she even wore a jacket with a rear panel cut out — a design feature I call the Pippa Porthole — so we could all admire the view better. It’s show time! And the curtains swing open. No wonder William looked a bit annoyed as they cruised towards st martin’s.

yes, agreed. Kate has certainly got the legs and the figure to wear these kind of full leg hernia supports for ever.

And, spending the day hopping in and out of helicopters and boats, she clearly required a practical outfit — but was this the right answer? I’m not convinced it would have been appropriate in an office, let alone for a royal visit.