Trousers a bit snug? Time for a new ‘outfat’
DICTIONARY OF NEW WORDS (13) FROM OASISSY TO OYSTAR
Following the recent addition of moobs, chefdom and westminster Bubble to the oxford English Dictionary, this is a further supplement to my very own Dictionary of new words. OASISSY: Cedric, the lesser known of the Gallagher brothers, loves pressing flowers and going to the ballet, and is the proud possessor of his own collection of scented candles. OBEDIANTS: tiny, characterless insects that take exceptional care to follow their leader. OBEES: excessively overweight winged insects. OBELISP: a tapering stone pillar that can’t say its s’s. OBITCHERY: a brief, spiteful biographical sketch of a recently deceased person. OBJET DART: small, decorative missile, highly valued by a select group of connoisseurs including Bobby George, Phil Taylor, Eric Bristow and Jocky Wilson. OBLADIOBLADIRE: one of the more irritating tracks by The Beatles. ‘I have always regarded Yellow Submarine and Octopus’s Garden as almost as obladiobladire as Revolution No 9.’ OBLEAK: water escaping through a pipe so discreetly that you don’t notice until it’s too late. OBSESSHUN: the state of persistently avoiding someone long after their original misdemeanour should have been excused. OBSTICKLE: a person who won’t let you pass without prodding and stroking you mercilessly so as to provoke you to laughter. OBSQUEAKIOUS: an unduly deferential mouse. OCULOST: optician who has forgotten to wear his own specs. OCCUPUNT: passenger who relaxes in the front of a long, narrow flatbottomed boat while the wally at the back with the straw hat and the long pole tries hard not to lose his footing. OCTOPLUS: cephalopod mollusc with a minimum of nine arms or more. OCTUT-TUT: group of eight musicians who can’t conceal their disapproval of each other. ODD-JAB MAN: a handyman employed to perform different types of annoying pokes, prods, taps, shoves and nudges in return for ready cash. ODDSAND: odds without ends. OEDIPUSS COMPLEX: the varied and conflicting subconscious emotions about the father and mother aroused in a young cat. OEUFRE: the complete works of an artistic hen. OESOFAGUS: that part of a settee down which small pieces of food, crumbs, loose change, paperclips etc disappear, never to return. OHGEE ARCH: curved arch designed to produce gasps of astonishment from old-fashioned American tourists. OINKMENT: smooth oily substance rubbed on the snout of a pig for medical purposes, or as a cosmetic. OLIGARCHERS: an everyday tale of extremely wealthy Russian businessmen. ONE-UPMANSHOP: store that confers the illusion of superiority on those who visit it. ‘I always buy my baked beans from Harrods of Knightsbridge, don’t you? They taste so much better.’ OOKOUT: to fail to guard against the theft of the first letter of any given word. OPINIONAIDED: to be fed strong opinions prior to expressing them. ‘I felt Diane Abbott was highly opinionaded on Question Time last night.’ OPOSHUM: American marsupial noted for holding a teacup with its little finger raised to the air. ORTHODOGS: oldfashioned, traditionalist members of the canine fraternity. OUTFATTER: Shop which specialises in selling clothes for the fuller-figured. OROTUNDRA: a large area of land in northern parts of the world where there are no trees and the ground is bursting out of its suit. OSCART: a vehicle designed specially for carrying multiple Academy Awards. ‘I see that Meryl Streep and Steven Spielberg have brought along their Oscarts to this year’s ceremony, on the off-chance.’ OSMOSHISH: process of gradual or unconscious assimilation of ideas or knowledge while sitting for five hours on a bar stool. OSSO BOO!CO: Italian dish full of surprising ingredients. OXBITCH: catty, spiteful product of either of our two most renowned universities. OYSTAR: famous marine mollusc, well-known for appearances on television chat shows and in gossip columns.