Help! I’m too scared to go to my school reunion
NOVELIST, grandmother of four and ex-Blue Peter presenter, Janet ellis, 60, answers your questions...
Q I’VE BEEN invited to my secondary school reunion in a few months’ time. I haven’t seen any of my old classmates in 35 years, though I know a number of them have families and very successful careers.
While I have two daughters and a grandson, all of whom I’m immensely proud of, I’d say they are my only achievements. I’ve never had a particularly good job, despite doing well at school. Though it would be lovely to see my childhood friends, I don’t feel successful — or slim enough — to go.
Should I save myself potential embarrassment and a confidence knock and just avoid it altogether?
A What was your first reaction on getting the invitation to the school reunion? Was it just the tiniest tingle of excitement? Could you immediately think of two (or more) people that you’d like to see again?
If that’s the case, hold that thought — because there will be plenty of negative and fearful feelings to get through before the day.
Remember all those classroom conversations about your futures? along with deciding on careers, they usually included possible husbands, numbers of children and their names.
Life has a funny habit of getting in the way and, in any case, if you really could map out your life like that, it would be pretty boring.
the average teenager isn’t the best person to make those sort of plans either, being a bit short of actual experience and the ability to see the world from any perspective except their own.
the teenage you might well have thought your grown-up self quite dull, but she’d have been unaware of the real achievements in life, such as having a great group of friends or happy, settled children.
Of course, this invitation will have whizzed you straight back to the classroom. Fun as your school days were (and I don’t think you’d be considering going if you’d hated every minute), it was probably a rather judgmental atmosphere — not surprising when you’re with the same group of people almost every day for years. that tends to mean people get pigeonholed and you’ll inevitably be expecting great things of the girls you thought most likely to do well and fearing the worst for the shy or mousey ones. You’ll also be aware of how you were labelled, too. the point is, every one of you will be made up of all sorts of triumphs and disappointments by now. Some of these will be big and obvious — the fabulous job or early divorce. But most will be the sort of things you’re describing. You feel a tinge of dissatisfaction that you’re not running a multimillion-pound business, but take pride in your happy family. Once you’ve all got over the initial surprise at how the years have treated you all (and everyone will be worrying about what to wear, believe me), what you’re left with is something unique. It’s rare to be with a number of people not only the same age as you, but with shared geography and history in and out of the classroom. You don’t have to go (and no one should judge anyone who chooses not to revisit their past, it’s not a sign of poor character), but if you do, I expect you won’t regret it. at worst, it’s confirmation that just because you went to school together doesn’t mean you have to be lifelong friends. at best, it’s the chance to develop friendships with a strong connection. You might discover you have more in common with girls you didn’t know so well then. I’m sure you don’t judge your current group of friends on their achievements or waistlines, so don’t let your inner teenager make you think they’re the most important things now.