STOP BLUSTERING... YOU’RE FIRED!
WE should not hold it against Natalie Hughes that she once appeared in the High Court in Glasgow on heroin and cocaine supply charges.
She pleaded not guilty and was acquitted (while her husband was jailed for 27 months) and that was that. Mistakes are made. Sometimes the police get it wrong.
But there is no mistaking the fact beauty salon owner Miss Hughes is a candidate on BBC’s The Apprentice or that she’s the latest in a production line of spoon-fed blusterers.
‘I’m a hustler. I’ve got the hustler’s ambition,’ she parrots. ‘It’s all I know.’
Who writes this stuff? ‘Failure is not an option for someone like me.’
Oh, give over. Failure is an option for everyone on this show.
It is usually the only option and, indeed, a pre-requisite for being a candidate. I forget which series we are on now – and which dopey candidate was last handed Miss Hughes’s lines.
Which brings me to the failure in imagination of the audience – of which I’ll certainly be one. Why do we do this?
We know what happens. All but one is sacked and we never hear of them again.
And the successful candidate? We never hear of them again. THE 5p bag has proved such a success that researchers now report that a 5p disposable coffee cup must be due to arrive at a Starbucks near you soon. ‘A caramel cream frappuccino with chocolate sprinklings on top to go,’ you’ll say, and your barista will tell that won’t be a problem – then ask if you’d like that in a 5p cup. ‘Hell no,’ you’ll say. ‘And wreck the planet?’ ‘I’ll just carry it in my hands. ‘Or better still, pour it into my 5p bag with my lunch.’