Out of the mouths of babes

MY GRANDSON Tomos, aged five, was talking to his dad, who was explaining that when Nana was a little girl, she read

One-line philosophers

I’LL say this about dietitians: they sure hate to see food going to waist. Vincent Hefter, Richmond, Surrey.

BAD officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote. Ivan S. Thomas, Teddington, Middlesex. her book by candlelight. Tomos exclaimed: ‘So she watched TV by candles, too!’ Mrs E. A. Hoban, Bangor, Gwynedd.

Wordy Wise

FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVER — 007 escapes Moscow with his latest lady friend. DR NOT — movie in which Bond tackles bogus medic. A VIEW TO A BILL — feeling of dread while waiting for credit card statement. THE LIVING BAYLIGHTS — bio-luminescent fish in the harbour. MOONBAKER — lunar-based bread supplier. DIET ANOTHER DAY — I’m going to a banquet tonight. SPECSTRE — James Bond’s arch enemies: opticians intent on world domination. Dave Cullen, Alwoodley, Leeds.

Jokes

ONE. How many psychics does it take to change a lightbulb? Nick Fletcher, Malton, N. Yorks.

Funny Old World

SPOTTED in the classified adverts of the Harrogate Advertiser, in the Domestic Staff section: ‘A very elderly lady needs help with shopping and perhaps cooking. Regularly or occasionally. Sex immaterial.’

Mrs M. Todd, Harrogate, N. Yorks.