The dastardly Mr Deedes

HSBC’s vastly wealthy head of global banking Matthew Westerman has been throwing his ample girth around since arriving from Goldman Sachs in May. Having cleared out several senior members of staff, he’s now ruffled feathers by implementing an Orwelliansounding system, which tracks how bankers use their time, how many clients they visit and how many deals they bring in. Is pinguid Westerman, 51, carefully setting out his stall? He’s mooted as the bank’s next chief when brusque Stuart Gulliver finally shuffles off. The fate of British steel, battered by cutprice Chinese imports, is of great concern to the Queen. I’m reliably informed HM has instructed courtiers to keep her abreast of developments in the crisis-hit industry. Did the bungling Duke of York raise the subject during his visit to China this week, I wonder? We must excuse steelworkers who aren’t entirely brimming with confidence if so. Barclays £8.25m-a-year boss Jes Staley was chatty and affable with journalists as he announced the bank’s third-quarter results yesterday. Quite unlike his equally well-remunerated Lloyds counterpart, Antonio Horta-Osorio, who the day before made his first media appearance since his alleged tryst with sexy femmes d’affaires Dr Wendy Piatt. Tetchy and irritable, the erst- while smoothy, 52, behaved like he had a hornet in his tights. Trouble a casa Antonio? Deutsche Bank trader Selasi Gbormittah, who was eliminated from the BBC’s Great British Bake Off semi-final, was said on this week’s final episode to be embarking on an ‘epic motorbike trip around Europe’. Has the charming Ghanaian packed in his job in the city? ‘No comment,’ says a Deutsche spokesman. Faced with a whopping £11.5bn fine for mis-selling securities, it’s possible there may be more pressing matters being dealt with at the struggling bank. Incoming Moneysupermarket boss, stylish ex-John Lewis retail director Mark Lewis, says he’s looking forward to delivering ‘a clear mission’ to customers of the price comparison website. In which case, first item of business should be a new TV campaign. Those disturbing ads featuring hotpanted businessmen twerking in high heels have delighted us long enough.