‘I hope to get a better job when they’re older’ Mums who pay to go to work
They spend more on childcare than they earn. But terrified of losing their status and sanity, these women reveal why they’ve defiantly become . . .
WHEN Michelle Taylor’s monthly salary next lands in her bank account, there will no excitement at the thought of new clothes, weekend breaks or fancy dinners. Because every single penny of her hard-earned wages is already accounted for.
But it’s not going on her mortgage, or even an out-of-control credit card bill. Instead, Michelle’s wages will go entirely on funding the childminders who look after her three children while she goes to work. Even when all her wages have been paid out, she’s still left shy of £104 — her husband providing the monthly shortfall.
To the many women out there who are forced back into the workplace to make ends meet, despite desperately missing their beloved children, Michelle’s actions must seem misguided.
Why on earth would any mother choose to leave their children and go out to work when every penny they earn — and more — immediately goes straight out of their bank account to pay for childcare?
But for Michelle, 36, from Lightwater, Surrey, such an arrangement is non-negotiable, even if it leaves her out of pocket every month. ‘I know it doesn’t make any logical sense, but for me, it’s vital to keep working,’ says Michelle, who is currently on maternity leave.
In five months’ time, she plans to return to her job as a user experience researcher for a digital agency three days a week — when her baby boy, Deacon, will be just nine months old, an age when Michelle and many mothers like her would find it difficult to be separated from their little ones.
Despite this, Michelle, who also has two daughters — Amelie, six, and 19-month-old Amber — hopes that she’s doing the right thing.
Not only does she worry about being left behind and struggling to get back on the work ladder after time out (a mother’s career is said to ‘nosedive’ if she takes more than 12 months out of the workplace), but controversially, she likes being employed and knows they will need both her and her husband’s salaries in the future. ‘I really enjoy my job and I like using my mind in a different way from being a mum. It’s adult time, with colleagues I enjoy working with,’ she says.
Michelle admits that she thinks caring for her children full-time herself would be tough.
‘I’d find it hard to entertain my children at home, every day, all day,’ she says. ‘So when I’m back at work, they’ll go to school and childminders, My older children have benefited from time with friends at the childminder’s.’
Michelle is certainly not alone. She’s one of a growing number of women who would rather pay for childcare — whatever the cost — in order to keep their careers on track.
For while much has been written about anguished women juggling the twin demands of household finances and motherhood, it’s an unacknowledged truth that, for some, money simply doesn’t matter when deciding whether to go back to work. It’s often more to do with self-gratification and personal validation.
Admittedly, there are few mothers who won’t, at times, have felt downtrodden or overlooked while dealing with what can seem to be endless domestic drudgery.
But some are concerned that caring for children full-time is no longer desirable, even if you’re financially able to do so — and so women are dashing back to the workplace, regardless of the expense.
Indeed, the bill for Michelle going back to work is a steep one. When she returns to the office from 8.30am to 4.30pm, three days a week, her eldest daughter will need care before and after school with a childminder. As well as this, her two younger children will go to the childminder all day at a cost of £5.50 per hour each.
The average monthly cost of all this childcare will be an eye-watering £1,404, with Michelle bringing home only £1,300 after tax.
Naturally, Michelle wouldn’t be able to return to work at a loss without financial back-up from her husband, Alex, who also works for a digital agency.
‘He’s not on a particularly large salary,’ says Michelle, ‘and we are still relying on credit cards to meet the deficit while I am on maternity leave. But it does mean I can continue working without actually making money.
‘In the digital business, technology advances so quickly, and I know that if I stepped out for a few years, I’d never be able to get back in, certainly not at the level I’m at now.
‘I sometimes feel guilty about leaving my children, but I think it’s good for them to see me work, and Alex is totally on board as well as being very hands on with the house and kids.’
Psychotherapist Masha Bennettt believes our Western society is to blame for the denigration of full-time motherhood. ‘We don’t appreciate a mother’s role, and the masculine way of working and thinking is valued much more,’ she says.
‘But being a mother is the most important role. Neuroscience shows how desperately important it is — especially in the first year of a child’s life for their stability, consistency and safety.
‘But many women are unsatisfied with full-time motherhood, and seek fulfilment in creating and contributing something outside of the home. But if they’re not spending a consistent amount of time with their child or are too preoccupied with work, the child may be adversely affected.’
As well as all this, there is the issue of the childcare costs. British childcare is the most expensive in Europe.
According to the latest Childcare Cost Survey, nursery places average £115.45 a week across Britain — a rise of 5.1 per cent in just one year — and part-time care from a childminder costs on average £104.06 per week, an increase of 4.3 per cent in a year.
All three to four-year-olds in England can get 570 hours of free early education or childcare per year, usually taken as 15 hours a week for 38 weeks. In Scotland, they are entitled to receive up to 600 hours of free early learning and childcare a year, an entitlement also extended to some two-year-olds.
However, says Dr Heejung Chung of the School of Social Policy, Sociology and Social Research at the University of Kent, this won’t be enough to help some mothers make ends meet.
‘The 30 hours covered still only allows women to work part-time and it only applies for term-time, which is 38 weeks of the year — parents will still have to pay extra for any time outside of that and the holidays.’
Despite these punitive costs, Allie Leighton also chooses to work, even though, like Michelle, she hands over every penny of her wages, and more, to her childminder.
The 36-year-old single mother works for HMRC 16 hours a week, earning £890 a month.
However, she pays £30 more a month to her childminder who looks after her four children — Chloe, ten, Lottie, eight, Charlie, four, and Darcy, two.
It’s a decision that leaves Allie with an exhausting daily schedule.
She drops her two eldest at school every morning, meets the childminder in the playground to hand over the two youngest, then races home to pick up her bike and cycle three miles to be at her desk for 9.45am.
But still, she says, it’s infinitely preferable to being at home all day.
‘I want my children to see me work,’ says Allie, who lives in Nottingham. ‘They know that I get up and make the effort to go to work. They understand that I earned the things we have, and nothing has been handed to us on a plate.’
But, she admits, she also relishes the chance to adopt another role apart from that of mother.
‘When I’m with the children, I’m very much “Mummy” and am constantly running round after them,’ says Allie, whose parents have passed away. She has no other family nearby to help.
‘But even showering and putting on lipstick for work makes me feel good. I treat the bike ride as my exercise.’
So how does she survive financially with all those mouths to feed, if every penny is going on childcare?
The answer lies in working tax credits. As Allie’s annual salary is under £16,000, she qualifies for £1,600 a month, and has also started claiming housing benefit for her privately rented three-bedroom semi, receiving £400 of the £650 monthly rent.
‘I couldn’t do it without working tax credits,’ says Allie, ‘but I see it as a temporary help while I have young children. I still pay National Insurance, but the help enables me to keep my career on track so that as soon as the kids are all at school, I can increase my hours and get a better job.’
Indeed, Allie has been working for HMRC for 16 years but she had to downgrade her job after her third child was born because she couldn’t be on call round the clock — which was a necessary part of her then job in the criminal and financial investigation division. ‘I’ve gone from being an investigator in a challenging, stimu-
‘I’d find it hard to be at home all day with my kids’
lating role to a more clerical role, which is a shame,’ says Allie.
‘But I think that’s often the case when you go from full-time to parttime. Regardless, the benefit of staying in the workforce makes it worthwhile. I don’t feel guilty about it because I know I’m going to be able to provide more for my children in the long run.’
Psychologist Jessica Chivers, author of Mothers Work! has also noted the denigration of the role of mother in society.
‘When you go to work, you get adult company, instant gratification and praise and feel that you’re doing something that’s valued by society, unlike being solely a mother which, sadly, is not perceived as being of such great value,’ she explains. Indeed, Tara Robbins is another mother who believes her job is non-negotiable in order for her to have ‘a sense of self’ and some ‘me-time’ — even though it costs her nearly threequarters of her salary.
‘I wouldn’t want to be a stay-athome mum, given the choice. As well as being a role model for my daughter, Chiara, four, work gives me a sense of self,’ says Tara, 25, from High Wycombe, Bucks. ‘It’s a place where I can be Tara again and have a bit of a laugh and not just be a mummy.
‘Some friends can’t understand why I work when I bring home hardly any money, but I think I have the perfect balance.’
Tara, who works full-time in admin support for waste management company Biffa, earns £1,200 a month and works from 8.30am to 5.30pm every day. She pays for a nanny to look after Chiara before and after school, spending £720 a month — a figure that can easily double in the holidays.
‘I also want to be a positive role model to my daughter, to show her that if you want things in life, you have to work hard to pay for them,’ she says.
But while Tara and her partner, Matt, who works for a sports drink company, endeavour to be home for a family dinner every night and make the most of their weekends with their daughter, Tara admits to feeling guilty at times.
‘I know Chiara finds me working so much quite hard, especially in the holidays. I’d love to be at home with her so we can do fun things together.
‘She’ll pull at my heartstrings, saying: “Why can’t Mummy be at home today?”
‘Recently, she wasn’t well and she was so sad when I had to leave her to go to work, but that’s just the way it is.
‘I know she misses me, and I do sometimes feel guilty.’
But it seems the guilt is a price that Tara — and many other mothers — are willing to pay.