I expect to see Elvis riding Shergar down Princes Street

As we wave goodbye to the turbulence of 2016, our great Scottish celebrity almanac offers some serious, funny and downright odd predictions for 2017...

JENNI FALCONER TV PRESENTER

‘I predict that Apple will continue developing i-products. I’m anticipating the iPhone 8 and the iPad 3 but I’m hoping for the iHusband: The gadget that does whatever you ask, is low maintenance, looks smart and you can switch off when you need a break.

‘I’m also hoping in 2017 we Scots will finally be represented on the emoji keyboard. Will this be the year they finally give us the Saltire? I also predict other important national icons will become emojis .... things like the Loch Ness monster, a man in a kilt, a midge and a can of Irn-Bru.’

DAVID MUNDELL SECRETARY OF STATE FOR SCOTLAND

‘Two things are certain in the world of politics. Theresa May will trigger Article 50 and begin the formal process of the UK leaving the EU. And no matter how clearly the people of Scotland express their opinions the SNP will continue to bang on about independence. As for anything else, based on 2016, anything could happen. Elvis spotted riding Shergar down Princes Street must be worth a bet.’

GROUNDSKEEPER WILLIE THE SIMPSONS

‘My prediction for 2017 is for a British exit from the EU, a Scottish exit from Britain, Glasgow’s exit from Scotland, the East End’s exit from Glasgow and my personal exit from the East End. And I still won’t be satisfied!’

SIMON MILNE REGIUS KEEPER, ROYAL BOTANIC GARDEN EDINBURGH

‘I predict more than 1,500 species of plant new to science will be discovered in 2017. I also predict an increasing number of species will become extinct. ‘It is ironic that whilst man is exploring space we have still so much to learn about our own planet and that we continue to deplete the world’s biodiversity – the plants, fungi and animal life – that plays a crucial role in sustaining mankind and gives us so much pleasure.

‘My hope is that over the next 12 months more people, businesses and governments will be inspired and motivated to truly value and protect our natural environment.’

LADY CLAIRE MACDONALD COOKERY WRITER AND OWNER, KINLOCH LODGE HOTEL, SKYE

‘I feel the indications are there that it is going to be another wonderful year for tourism in Scotland. Our bookings are great. Scotland produces the best food in the world and increasingly better chefs to do imaginative things with our food.

‘I predict a very bright year for Scotland, food and drink. But there is one major proviso, and that is that the Food Standards Scotland (FSS) doesn’t become more like the Stasi in Eastern Germany with regards to policing how our wonderful artisan cheesemakers make their cheese. They lack expertise and they behave like the secret police. We don’t want anything like that.’

IAN TOUGH THE KRANKIES

‘I think it will be a very comically interesting year. I think we’ll get some strange things happening from America. In Scotland, I think the independence thing will settle down, and I think people will realise that Scotland’s got the best deal of anybody. At times your heart does rule your head, but when you look at the figures you go, “Wait a minute I’m not doing too badly out of this”.

‘For us, if folk want us we’ll keep on working although I think this year will see us calming down quite a lot and taking less work because we’ve both turned 70 this year and most people at that age are retired and not running about dressed as a schoolboy. Jimmie Krankie is the only schoolboy with a bus pass and a pension from the government.’

SHIRLEY SPEAR OBE CO-FOUNDER OF MICHELIN STAR RESTAURANT THE THREE CHIMNEYS AND CHAIR OF THE SCOTTISH FOOD COMMISSION

‘I wish I could wave a magic wand and make Scotland into a healthier nation, but I do not predict that will happen in 2017.

‘The whole movement for change is going to take a lot longer than just one year, but if all of us make a concerted effort, we can improve our diet and lifestyle little, by little, and turn around the worrying health issues that face us. The results may not show for a whole generation, but change needs to begin now. ’

JOSH LITTLEJOHN FOUNDER OF SOCIAL BITE

‘Social Bite will see a big year in 2017. We plan to build a village for the homeless with the first residents moving in by the summer. Through this we aim to create a blueprint to end the cycle of homelessness by addressing housing, support and employment. We hope that this will give us a platform to contribute to a national solution that ends homelessness for good in Scotland.’

MICHELLE MONE BUSINESSWOMAN

‘From a business point of view I feel very positive because I know our country has so much to offer. People often ask me about Brexit and what will happen. Genuinely, I don’t know but one thing I do know is that we will prosper because that’s what we do, that’s what we’ve always done.’

ARCHIE MACPHERSON FOOTBALL COMMENTATOR

‘In terms of football, I think it will be the end of Gordon Strachan as Scotland’s manager, though I honestly couldn’t

say at this stage who might replace him. It’s wide open – it doesn’t necessarily need to be a Scotsman.

‘We’ll also start to realise the plight of Scottish football at the moment. And I’m not sure what we’re going to do about it.’

LIZ LOCHHEAD POET AND FORMER MAKAR FOR SCOTLAND

‘I’m deeply apprehensive about the year ahead. Like nearly everybody I know I’m appalled by Brexit, I’m more than appalled by Donald Trump and seeing what’s happening in Aleppo breaks my heart the way it does everyone else I know.

‘It seems like very, very, very tough times ahead I’m afraid. That’s what I’m predicting for next year. And on a personal level, what can one do but try and fight as well as you can for the things that you believe in. I think a lot of us are feeling very small and impotent at the moment.’

RUTH DAVIDSON SCOTTISH CONSERVATIVE LEADER

‘On his first visit to Scotland as President, Donald Trump will unveil a thirty foot statue of himself at the Trump golf course in Aberdeenshire. Nicola Sturgeon will furiously announce that this is a trigger for a second referendum on independence.’

PROFESSOR HUGH PENNINGTON MICROBIOLOGIST

‘Infections are my occupation. I don’t expect them to go away in 2017. Food poisoning caused by Campylobacter will still be very common in Scotland because there is little prospect of a breakthrough in controlling it, despite big attempts by the poultry industry.

‘Flu will lurk at the beginning of the year. The norovirus will be busy. Abroad, Zika is no longer a problem just in Brazil but has moved northwards to Florida.

‘And surprises (which can’t by definition be predicted) will happen. Old bugs becoming nastier is more likely than the appearance of new ones. The only consolation is that detecting and tracking microbial criminals will go on getting easier in 2017, thanks to the continued development of DNA fingerprinting.’

KEZIA DUGDALE SCOTTISH LABOUR LEADER

‘I predict the SNP will claim that education is its top priority, but will once again spend most of the year pursuing a second independence referendum. There will be a lot of warm words from Nicola Sturgeon, however she will not take action to improve the life chances of every child. Instead, she will continue to just pass on Tory cuts – while continuing to blame Westminster.

‘I also predict that Alex Salmond will continue to embarrass Nicola Sturgeon and Alex Neil will continue to reveal what senior SNP figures really think.

‘I’m also confident that Hibs will lift the Scottish Cup once again – we’re not waiting another 114 years.’

ROBBIE THE PICT CAMPAIGNER

‘It’s an astonishing state of affairs that we find with America at the moment. I don’t think that Trump’s the evil that he’s painted. I know that we have a bad picture of him due to the state of the development in Aberdeenshire, and the Scots are slightly prejudiced against him.

‘I think it will be up to the American people to participate in the democracy much more, rather than just be fed whatever they get from a mainstream media that’s now been exposed as an agent of propaganda.

‘A stand-out year would be honesty in government, big business and big pharma. The philosophy of profit and greed is continuing to prevail and I would like to see that rolled back in any way possible.’

NICK PENNY HEAD OF SCOTLAND AT SAVILLS

‘I am cautiously optimistic about 2017. On the residential side this year we have seen some very high values achieved in some of the hot spots around Edinburgh and Glasgow and the major centres. I can see that trend continuing and values remaining strong.

‘On the commercial side, this year has been challenging. The uncertainly around Brexit and the noise about a possible Indyref 2 creates uncertainty and uncertainty leads to stagnation in terms of decision making. I think there could be challenges until we are clear on what the negotiations around Article 50 will actually focus on. Once there is more clarity people will start making decisions again.

‘For those looking to achieve an income return, real estate still provides a very attractive assets class.’

NORMAN CALDER STAR OF THE GREAT BRITISH BAKE OFF

‘It will be interesting to see how Bake Off pans out on Channel 4. It won’t be the same without Mary, Mel and Sue. I think they might go for a comedian like Jo Brand to present alongside Paul Hollywood.

Candice, who won the show this year, will make a name for herself. She could be like Nadiya Hussain, who has done very well.

‘I’m sure Mary will continue to have success – she’s a star wherever she goes. The Bake Off has been responsible for generating a new interest in baking and that will continue to grow.

‘I’ve quietened down the amount of baking I do since I left Bake Off but I’m still doing a lot. Next year I’ll just be baking the usual – shortbread biscuits, pies and bread.’

BRIAN COX ACTOR

‘I think 2017 is going to be an impossibly difficult year. If there was ever a time when Scotland needed to assert itself in terms of its own independence, it is now. That is really what we have got to do next year.

‘I feel we should head further down the path to independence. I don’t think that will happen in 2017, but I think we have to keep our eye on the ball, particularly in view of what has been going on.’

WILLIE RENNIE SCOTTISH LIBERAL DEMOCRAT LEADER

‘After a rollercoaster 2016, the Liberal Democrats will be straight out the blocks. Ahead of May’s council elections, I’ll be taking my message of a strong Scotland in the UK and the EU to doorsteps across the country. In the May elections people can choose a nationalist who is only interested in Scottish Independence or a Liberal Democrat who will focus on local issues in your community.

‘People are reacting against the constant threat of independence from the SNP and the threat of a hard Brexit from the Conservatives. That’s why I’m also predicting a progressive liberal resurgence in 2017.

‘I’m predicting that athlete Laura Muir will perform well in international competitions, the new Forth Crossing might open and Alex Salmond will retire with dignity. On the latter – I am allowed to wish.’

AMY MACDONALD SINGER

‘I think life is imitating Star Wars. The Empire were at full power throughout 2016 and seem to be close to their goal of constructing a second Death Star. We hope that the Rebel Alliance can come together with the Jedi and defeat the Galactic Empire once and for all in 2017...!’