It’s better to talk than fight

BLESSED as I am with a wonderful second marriage (and a harmonious relationship with my first husband), I realise I’m lucky. But I know about family conflict, too.

That’s why I was concerned to learn that more than a million children have spent Christmas with unhappy, stressed parents who fight or give each other ‘the silent treatment’.

That situation is classified as ‘low conflict’ — while a further 194,000 children spent the so-called festive season with hostile, fighting parents. Such people know no boundaries; their children’s welfare is the last thing on their mind.

The latest study was by The Marriage Foundation. Earlier this year, the Office for National Statistics found that more than a million people are ‘extremely unhappy’ with their spouse or long-term partner. That’s about one in 20 of all couples — double the number recorded five years ago.

This is a time of year when many couples feel they’ve had enough. When there are children involved, I’d want people to try very hard to sort out the problems within their marriage — but not at any price.

Some unions need to end — and those figures above make it clear why. As patron of Relate, I’m a great believer in counselling as a means of either helping to iron out the problems within a relationship — or to end it in a civilised way. People need to learn to talk.

The question many of us ask at some stage is this: how long can I go on feeling miserable without working for change? Change was a key theme running through my book Lifelines, and I know from experience how exhilarating, if frightening, it can be. What is the point of accepting misery?

This may not seem a very upbeat New Year message, but remember you are in charge of your life. If things are wrong, work out how to put them right, and get help if necessary.

Make 2017 the year you move forward.

Bel answers readers’ questions on emotional and relationship problems each week. Write to Bel Mooney, Scottish Daily Mail, 20 Waterloo Street, Glasgow G2 6DB, or e-mail bel.mooney@dailymail.co.uk. A pseudonym will be used if you wish. Bel reads all letters but regrets she cannot enter into personal correspondence.