TONY BLAIR: THE MOVIE
Where do you go to my lovely?
TONY BLAIR has held talks with Oscar-winning film producer James Gay-Rees about making a featurelength documentary of his life.
Gay-Rees is behind successful movies about Amy Winehouse and the Brazilian Formula One driver Ayrton senna.
i shouldn’t think Blair would want to delve too deeply into his own dealings with Formula One, but his overembellished life story would make a great screenplay.
Who is the real tony Blair? Your guess is as good as mine. Following the recent death of Peter sarstedt, i couldn’t help thinking how much Blair has in common with Marie-Claire, from Where do You Go to (My Lovely)?
Maybe the theme tune could go something like this. As always, it helps if you sing along. (Cue accordion . . .) You walk like George dubya Bush does in jeans ball-crushingly tight You dance like Gordon Brown’s sidekick On strictly on saturday nights. (Yes, you do.) You bought an overpriced mansion in fashionable Connaught square Where you keep your Rolling stones records even though you never go there. (No, you don’t) You speak in estuary english though you went to a posh public school in Fettes College, edinburgh, Which, honestly, isn’t that cool. (You’re a fraud, yes you are) so where do you go to my lovely, When you’re not in your Bayswater bed do you ever feel the slightest bit guilty Over some of the things that you’ve said? (Do you care?) i’ve heard all your overblown speeches Your lies about WMds About watching ‘Wor Jackie’ Milburn Who retired when you were just three. (Yes he did) You said things could only get better Our future was in the EU devolution would strengthen the Union Perhaps you really thought it was true. (Yes you did) You claimed we had 24 hours to save the NHS But when you buggered off ten years later it was still in a terrible mess. (Yes, it was) Where do you go to my lovely, When you’re not in your Bayswater bed do you ever feel the slightest bit guilty Over some of the things that you’ve said? (’Course you don’t) When you take your summer vacation On the yacht of some billionaire
With ‘Lord’ Mandelson and Reinaldo do you wonder how you ever got there? (just a thought) And when the snow falls we find you in davos With the others of the jet-set As you fill your ski-boots with their millions do you ever have any regrets? (Not even one?) But where do you go to my lovely,
When you’re not in your Bayswater bed do you ever feel the slightest bit guilty Over some of the things that you’ve said? (Give me strength) now your name is on dictators’ speed dials From the Middle east to Kazakhstan And the riches they pay you for speeches
You keep it just for fun, for a laugh. (ha, ha, ha) they say that your real ambition Was to be President of the EU But now that we’ve voted for Brexit i’m afraid that you’re royally screwed. (oh dear, how sad, never mind) Where do you go to my lovely, When you’re not in your Bayswater bed do you ever feel the slightest bit guilty Over some of the things that you’ve said? (Not a chance) i remember that Labour conference in Blackpool in the boozer across from the sea You were so young and ambitious A model new Labour MP. (Yes you were) so look into my face, tony Blair, And pretend you’re a straight kinda guy, then remember the deal in Granita it was just another one of your lies. (Yes it was) i know where you go to, my lovely And i don’t mean Wendi deng’s bed, One of these days you will wake up Lying next to a dead horse’s head . . . (Cue accordion . . .)