I was born in a crossfire hurricane . . .

Residents of Jaywick, in essex — featured on Channel 5’s Benefits By the sea — were told to evacuate their homes immediately because the fierce storms along the east Coast could cause widespread flooding.

some of them refused because they were worried that if they moved out, the dss wouldn’t know where to send their welfare cheques. Priceless. Rescuers were later seen posing for hi-viz selfies on the beach. Apparently, the storms were all caused by ‘man-made climate change’. Funnily enough, my mum remembers the last occasion Jaywick was hit by flooding — in 1953, before global warming was invented.

she was pregnant with me at the time. My parents were building a bungalow in shenfield, essex. Work came to an abrupt halt when the government requisitioned all building materials to repair the sea wall.

Consequently, they had to wait six months before they could move into their new home and i was born in my grandparents’ spare bedroom in ilford, 63 years ago this week.

does that make me the first ‘climate change’ baby?