Force well versed in Tam’s exploits

IT is one of the greatest poems in Scottish literature, a cautionary tale of an over-curious drunk who must flee for his life after disturbing a witches’ coven at Alloway Auld Kirk.

Now, police have reimagined how Tam o’Shanter’s encounter would be reported by a modern force in a light-hearted press release to mark Burns Night.

In it, they reveal how a Mr Thomas o’Shanter, from Ayr, had claimed he was attacked in the early hours of January 25 after an evening with friend Souter Johnny in a local hostelry.

Mr o’Shanter tells officers he was drawn to lights coming from the kirkyard and witnessed a group of ‘wither’d bedlams, auld and droll’ cavorting among the church ruins.

In his police statement, Mr o’Shanter says he was pursued by the ‘hellish legion’ but escaped by riding across a bridge on his horse.

The grey mare was later taken into the care of the SSPCA, after police said its tail was found to have been forcibly removed.

The press release includes an appeal for witnesses after doubt was cast on Mr o’Shanter’s version of events by his wife, Kate, who dismissed it as the ramblings of a ‘bletherin’, blusterin’ drunken blellum’. To add to his troubles he finds himself arrested in connection with allegations including being drunk in a public place, animal cruelty and wasting police time.

Revealing the purpose of Police Scotland’s literary reworking, safer communities officer PC Jamie Dunlop said: ‘This incident highlights the dangers of consuming too much alcohol and travelling home unaccompanied, especially on occasions like Burns suppers.

‘We encourage anyone going out to plan their night and ensure they have arranged transport home and not be tempted to drink and drive – be it by car or mare.’