Why are families so insensitive?
LAST week, I gave thanks for the messages in Christmas cards; today I’m enraged by an email from a widower in his late 70s, writing to ask whether I think he should re-write his will.
He has two children, ten grandchildren (all over 18) and seven great-grandchildren. At Christmas, he sent cards to them all, with presents for the greatgrandchildren ‘but I failed to receive cards from one of my children and five of my grandchildren, not even a text on Christmas Day’.
‘Stan’ asks: ‘Please tell me if you think my expectations are too high for nowadays?... I do think they could have wished me Merry Christmas by text.’
He explains that his will ‘divides everything equally’, but wonders if that’s fair to those who are ‘in touch all the time and appear to care very much’, when others never bother.
It’s a good question, isn’t it? This email made me feel indignant, wondering why those people couldn’t splash out on a card and stamp, scribble ‘Happy Christmas, Grandpa’ — and make an old man happy. Not much, is it? I mean, how much must they spend on DVDs, coffee and phone apps?
Would it be so hard to think of him at Christmas? I feel like advising Stan to make a new will in favour of a charity he supports and just leave nominal sums to those who pay him attention. There would be nothing wrong with that. So many good charities are transformed by legacies and I don’t see why the undeserving should be rewarded.
This issue has been raised here before and I always proclaim the job of parents to make sure their children are raised with a sense of duty, family affection and good manners. Where else will it come from?
But one of Stan’s two children failed to send him a card. What can be done about such thoughtlessness? If I were Stan, I’d find a way to let them all know he’s thinking of the charity option — then see what happens. Grrrr!
Bel answers readers’ questions on emotional and relationship problems each week. Write to Bel Mooney, Scottish Daily Mail, 20 Waterloo Street, Glasgow G2 6DB, or e-mail bel.mooney@dailymail.co.uk. A pseudonym will be used if you wish. Bel reads all letters but regrets she cannot enter into personal correspondence.