‘Death book’ of mum who lost her family
A YOUNG mother who lost her son and boyfriend kept a ‘death book’ detailing her pain and sorrow before she took her own life.
Kirsty Farbrother, 21, struggled daily to cope with the loss of her premature baby boy Reece a month after his birth five years ago.
And after her grief-stricken partner, Callum Lines, killed himself at the age of 22, she felt like she had ‘lost her little family’.
The discovery of a haunting scrapbook following her death reveals a life spiralling into depression.
As well as photographs and mementoes of Reece and his father, the book contains notes about them such as ‘I smile, I try, but the truth is I want to die’ and ‘When I close my eyes I see you’.
Miss Farbrother also left behind letters, poems about depression, a list of her final wishes and details of how she wanted her funeral.
She listed the physical and emotional issues she faced every day, from ‘frequent back pain, loss of appetite, breathlessness, feeling sick, bloating’ to feeling ‘drained, broken, empty, lost, alone, heartbroken, dead inside’.
A message says: ‘If you’re reading this folder it means I’m no longer here. I don’t know when it will happen. All I know is I’m on the edge and I keep getting pushed, so one day I’m going to slip off. So I made this folder to be prepared. I’m sorry.’
Last month, six months after the death of her partner, Miss Farbrother’s body was found in the dining room of her mother Tracey’s home in Tamworth, Staffordshire. A day earlier, she had tidied her son’s grave.
Mrs Farbrother, 46, a customer service worker, said: ‘I found a folder in her room – sort of a death book, filled with pictures, letters and poems. There were even details on how she wanted her funeral. She wrote about having a dream where Callum and Reece visited her, saying they missed her and needed her.’
Mrs Farbrother added: ‘I think she thought by killing herself she would be going to join them. She had lost her little family, and she couldn’t take the pain any more.’
Mrs Farbrother is sharing the story of her ‘sweet, quiet girl’ to raise awareness of the devastating effects of depression. She said: ‘It’s so important for family and friends to… talk to people, and really listen.’
For confidential support, call the Samaritans on 116 123, visit a branch or go to www.samaritans.org.