My family say that I drink too much . . .

Novelist, grandmother of four and ex-Blue Peter presenter Janet ellis, 61, answers your questions . . .

QMY HUSBAND died last year and, according to my son and daughter-in-law, my drinking has gone up since then. They may be right, but don’t think it’s excessive. I enjoy a few glasses of wine in the evening, but don’t drink every night and have never been drunk and incapable.

I understand they feel a need to look out for me now I’m on my own, but equally I’d like them to respect my right to live my life (and cope with my bereavement) in the way that works best for me.

To be honest, I dread spending time with them because I know this issue will arise.

There is a family gathering coming up and I want to address it before then.

I suppose I could not drink on this occasion, but that makes me feel like a naughty child — and I’m 70. How do I bring it up without sounding ungrateful for their support?

AAPART from the obvious feelings of loss and grief, the death of a parent makes us all take stock. For some, it’s a time to examine their lives and choices and make changes they have been putting off.

Others prioritise spending time with their family, particularly the surviving parent. Your son seems to be going a third way: worrying about you and your health.

I don’t know if his father’s death was unexpected, but he will be thinking about his own mortality and health, too, and may have been made more aware of his relationship with alcohol.

Your daughter-in-law might have experienced someone in her own family becoming increasingly dependent on drink.

Have you been able to discuss your bereavement with your son and his wife? they might be trying to deal with what they perceive as an easier problem to solve (your increasing number of glasses of wine) rather than addressing the harder issues, such as how you all proceed after such a loss. Now you’re on your own, they have a responsibility to look after you in a way they didn’t when your husband was alive. What support are they giving you, beyond suggesting you cut down on the drink? While I don’t think you’ll sound in the least ungrateful if you ask them to back off, you’d be better advised to hold your tongue for a while — and hold the drinking, too. Your intake sounds perfectly reasonable (even allowing for the editing we all do when we’re quizzed on units), but as it’s hard to enjoy more than a glass or two when you’re under scrutiny, cutting down seems like a fairly easy way to keep the peace. Unless, of course, you are starting to depend on it. In your heart of hearts, you’ll know if you’re drinking a lot more than you did. Even if it is helping you cope, it can only be a temporary measure. Your son and his wife are focusing too much on the one small thing they can pick you up on rather than making a practical difference to your life. Your son is almost certainly torn between wanting to be a little boy again, with both parents to guide him, and being a man who has the responsibility of looking after you. Don’t forget to help him adjust to his new role as the senior male of the family. A time will come when you will all feel more comfortable with the new shape of the family. then you can relax together without being critical of each other’s habits.

If you have a question for Janet, please email it to janetellis@dailymail.co.uk.