PAINKILLER MADE ME A ZOMBIE FOR YEARS
Janet Waterton, 62, a retired medical records clerk, lives with her husband edgar, 66, a retired mechanic, in Bude, Cornwall. Janet spent 16 years battling her dependency on prescription pills. I CAN still remember the deep shame and humiliation I felt when I was asked to stand up and say: ‘My name’s Janet and I’m a drug addict.’
I’d been admitted to a detox unit after becoming dependent on drugs prescribed for hip pain, but in the clinic I was surrounded by heroin addicts.
All I’d ever done was take the benzodiazepines my doctor prescribed — I’d done nothing illegal and becoming dependent on them was never a choice. I’d just trusted my doctors.
Yet I was strip-searched on admission and wasn’t allowed newspapers or magazines. They put me in a dormitory with three heroin addicts.
It was hell — there were fights, prostitutes having sex in the corridor, a woman self-harming — I wondered if I’d survive.
I’d been on benzodiazepines for 11 years and I now know the dosage has to be gently tapered down. But at the unit I was brutally cold-turkeyed off diazepam (the generic version of Valium) in just two weeks.
I was the only person with a prescription drug dependency and the doctors had little experience of benzo withdrawal. One said he’d rather treat ten heroin addicts than one person like me as he just didn’t know what the outcome would be.
The withdrawal symptoms were horrendous — feelings like electric shocks in my brain, pins and needles in my face, panic attacks, shaking and sweating. I never slept, and my legs went into spasm so I could hardly walk. I was a wreck.
Not only was I the only person at the unit on prescription drugs, but ironically I was one of very few paying for the privilege — most of the other patients were ex-offenders funded by the NHS.
My husband and I cashed in our ISAs to pay the bill, though NHS doctors were responsible for me being there.
My nightmare had begun with a simple prescription for clonazepam, a benzodiazepine in 1992 — my doctor said it was a nerve blocker that might help my hip pain.
Up until then I’d always been full of beans and never suffered from depression, but soon I became depressed and started to sleep a lot. After eight years I wanted to wean myself off the drugs because the pain had gone, but when I started cutting back, within hours I had withdrawal symptoms.
One day my husband found me crouched and shaking in a corner. When he phoned NHS Direct, they said I had classic withdrawal symptoms and told me to contact my doctor — who said I should stay on the drugs.
Every time I tried to wean myself off even by small amounts I had more withdrawal symptoms. That’s how I found myself in the detox unit.
Two years after my detox I started suffering from panic attacks and sleeping problems — prescription sleeping pills didn’t help and a locum psychiatrist prescribed benzos.
And that was it, I was back on them again — this time for five years. The pills did nothing for my anxiety but left me feeling like a zombie.
My GP tried to refer me for help, but there was nothing. I had a home visit from a psychologist who said I’d been damaged by the drugs, but I never saw him again. I was sent to a drug and alcohol dependency service, but the person I was to see didn’t turn up.
I used to call FRANK, the drugs helpline, and just sob because I felt so isolated, but they’re not geared up for prescription drug problems.
My health deteriorated and I lost three stone, going down to seven stone. I often blacked out, so I would lie in bed all day — I had to stop work.
I had panic attacks and could only sleep two hours at a time. My husband became so desperate that in 2010 he used his pension lump sum to pay £22,000 for another detox.
If anything, this was worse than the first, but it worked, and six years later, I’m still off the drugs.
But when I look back I can’t remember big chunks of my life — they are lost to benzos.
After spending my husband’s pension on my treatment we were so broke I rang the health authority to see if we could recover some of the costs. They said I needed a lawyer.
The case took four years, and in 2015 I got £200,000 in an outof-court settlement for the drugs having been prescribed to me a second time.
Considering what my family’s been through, it’s not a lot of money. And these drugs have left me permanently damaged: my nerves tingle and burn. I never get more than four hours’ unbroken sleep and still don’t have the concentration to read a book. I hope one day I will feel normal, but I just don’t know.