Admiral Howard was on the South Coast, polishing his cutlass
THERE was no sign of Admiral Howard of Lympne’s smokestack on the horizon in the Lords when peers briefly discussed Spain’s designs on Gibraltar. Former Tory leader Lord Howard sent a jolt of snuff up the nation’s nostrils on Sunday by suggesting Theresa May could send a Falklands-style task force to Gib’, should Madrid play silly-beggars once we leave the EU. Sounded possible to me. Any Tory prime minister who lost the Rock would swiftly be toppled.
Lefties were horrified by Lord Howard’s salty talk. Yesterday afternoon Lord Collins (Lab) accused him of ‘gunboat diplomacy’. It was ‘unhelpful’, said Lord Collins. ‘Unhelpful’ is a word this elite uses when assuming superior airs. ‘Disappointing’ is another. They have found the whole Brexit business deeply ‘unhelpful’ and ‘disappointing’. We, the people, have let them down.
As I say, Lord Howard was not in Westminster waters. Presumably he was at home on the South Coast, polishing his cutlass and bidding stoical farewell to his weepy wench before hopping aboard the nearest man o’ war, a copy of G.A. Henty’s novel ‘Held Fast for England’ under his arm. Set course for the Pillars of Hercules, Mr Bosun!
Lady Northover, a damp, faintly silly creature on the Lib Dem benches, raised Gibraltar by means of a Private Notice Question. She twittered on about the Government not mentioning Gib’ in its Article 50 letter to the EU last week. She also noted that the EU had won the Nobel peace prize, yet now there was all this talk about conflict, boo hoo. The EU’s peace prize? Would that have been for its achievements in Ukraine?
The Foreign Office’s Joyce Anelay had the helm at the Government despatch box, swaying slightly on the swell.
Lady Anelay, who may use the same hairdresser as the Bay City Rollers, is very much one of life’s Joyces: that is to say, she is sensible, firm, a touch matronly, not to be taken for a fool.
Having heard Lady Northover’s dribbly demands that the Government ‘distance itself’ from Lord Howard’s swashbuckling, Lady Anelay summoned an ‘oh do grow up’ expression to her face and replied: ‘We do still have freedom of expression in this country. Long may that continue.’
There came a ‘pah!’ as she spat a chewed bullet of dried seagull meat from a corner of her mouth.
Lord Garel-Jones (Con) rose to make equivocal remarks about ‘this dreadful deadlock’ we have with Spain over Gibraltar.
ONLY a long-standing Hispanophile such as Lord G-J could be so sympathetic to the Latins’ side of the argument, perhaps. The register of peers’ interests informs us that Lord Garel-Jones is a board member of Banco Santander Espana and chairman of a second bank, UBS Latin America.
He also decorates the international advisory board of Everis (Spain), a consultancy firm.
Lord Foulkes (Lab), that old fool caught snoozing in the Chamber by the BBC’s documentary film crew, launched into a question with the premise ‘if Brexit goes ahead…’. Does he think it will not? He, too, wanted to know why Gibraltar was not mentioned in the Government’s Article 50 letter. Lord Forsyth (Con) suspected that the Government had not done so because Gibraltar is no earthly business of the EU. To have included it in the letter might have suggested the opposite.
And we heard from Lord Hannay (Crossbencher), most silken of pro-EU matelots. The tip of his nose actually twitched – with pleasure? – as he smoothly asserted that Spain was ‘in a strong position now’. G.A. Henty would have enjoyed writing about a smarmer such as Hannay.
Lady Anelay, her ‘Joyce’ indicator turned to maximum, said that Gibraltar’s position was as secure today as it was before the EU referendum.
We will conclude merely by noting that, moments earlier, the House heard of delays to the next generation of Royal Navy frigates. All concerned with that project might want to get a ruddy move on.