Like it or lump it, it’s once more unto the ballot box

On Tuesday afternoon, a BBC camera crew approached a lady named Brenda from Bristol and informed her Theresa May had just called a snap general election.

‘not another one!’ exclaimed Brenda. ‘Oh for God’s sake, I can’t stand this.’

Folks, we are all Brenda from Bristol. I, for one, could quite happily go six months – heck, make it a year – without casting a vote. Think of all the things we might get done if we weren’t constantly being badgered into voting for who’s their whatshisname and what’s it whoshername.

Cripes, our politicians might actually get back to doing that running the country! Because no one I know – except possibly David Dimbleby and those lovely people at YouGov – is looking forward to this. no one is rubbing their hands with glee and remarking ‘Oh goodie! A vote! We haven’t had one of those for a while.’

At the same time, I do admire the PM’s chutzpah. There is something supremely democratic (and dare I say it, brave) about her decision to call an election – to bring forward a vote that normally takes place once every five years in order to allow the electorate to make an informed decision about Britain’s future.

To me, it is the polar opposite of nicola Sturgeon’s endless whingeing for another referendum on independence, a supremely undemocratic move on an electorate that was told this was ‘once in a generation’.

But the problem is that, thanks to these endless plodding journeys to the polls, we are now being subsumed by jazz hands cartoon politics in this country. You know, the big splashy stuff, where politicians talk about Very Serious Things they have little intention of actually doing, while parliament remains in recess and nothing Actually Gets Done.

It seems somehow to cheapen the whole process. As if politics today were merely a hypothetical construct, rather than something you actually put into practice. I’ve moaned about it before, but I can’t help but think that if we could just stop voting for a while, we might actually be able to fix a few things – schools, hospitals, elderly care, that sort of thing. The things people actually care about. The things that affect our day to day life. The things that really, really matter.

So here, then, is my simple, not particularly sophisticated, guide on how you can avoid making everything about the General Election for the next seven weeks. 1. Think seriously about the issues. 2. Think seriously about the Britain you want for the future. 3. Decide who you are voting for. 4. Turn over to Homes Under the Hammer.

DO you really wish to vote for a party hell-bent on enforcing a brand of nationalism that, post-Brexit, not only seems old fashioned but encourages the very worst of tribal politics? A party still dedicated to pushing Scots to opposite sides of the room?

The Scotland I see represented in Westminster right now is not the Scotland I recognise. Instead, it is a Scotland cut from the cloth of the SnP logo, its small-minded hypocrisy tarnishing the country I love.

So vote. Do. And keep your fingers crossed that others do too. Otherwise, we may find ourselves waking up on June 9 and, upon seeing the results, once more echoing Brenda from Bristol: ‘Oh for God’s sake, I can’t stand this.’