Should you have the right to take time off work to care for elderly parents?
Bosses give it to mums with sick children. Now these loving daughters raise a controversial question . . .
WHEN Sophie Hall received a call at work from her sister to say that their elderly father had fallen in the bath and been taken to hospital, she broke the news to her bosses — then dashed to his bedside.
It never crossed her mind, then, that fulfilling her daughterly duties would lead, just over two months later, to her feeling that she had no option but to give up her 38-year career in banking.
Her father had always been fiercely independent, but, at age 80, with an injured shoulder, was suddenly fearful and vulnerable — and the only people who could reassure him were his two daughters.
‘I’d worked for almost four decades with barely a day off sick, and don’t have children, so I imagined that my bosses would be more understanding about me needing some time off to care for my dad,’ says Sophie.
‘I booked any days off I needed to spend with him as emergency holiday, rather than ringing in sick, but my duties weren’t all covered when I was away, meaning I had to work much longer days when I was in — and that wasn’t sustainable.’
Sophie is one of the 6.5 million people in the UK with caring responsibilities, two million of whom have, like her, given up work to perform their role. (Three-fifths of us will have loved ones to look after at some point in our lives.)
According to Family Resources Survey figures, 43per cent of these carers are looking after an elderly or sick parent, and many require some form of what has become known as ‘gran-ternity leave’ from work.
Indeed, in recognition of our ageing population, the right to request flexible working was extended to all employees, not just parents of young children, back in 2014.
However, just because all staff have a right to ask, it does not mean that employers have a duty to honour their requests. All bosses need to do to avoid it is prove that providing flexibility would, in some way, be detrimental to their business.
Desperate to find a solution that would enable her to keep her job and be a good daughter, Sophie came up with various suggestions, including that she go part time, work flexible hours or move to a less busy department — but to no avail.
‘I understand that they have a department to run, but when a woman has a baby, they have to find ways to accommodate her having up to a year off,’ says Sophie, 54, from Croydon, Surrey. ‘Meanwhile, I felt I was causing big problems booking a day off here and there to accompany Dad to hospital appointments.
‘Parents take time off because their child is unwell, or even to go to school assemblies, so why should it be so different for those of us who need time to care for elderly parents? It felt as if there was one rule for them and another for people like me.
‘I tried arguing my case with the human resources department, but any concessions made would be at the company’s discretion as there is no protection in law.
‘Eventually, I felt I had no choice but to give up my job.’
Sophie left her £35,000-a-year post, which she’d held for five years, just a few weeks later, on February 24.
Two months down the line, her father is on the mend and is less reliant on his daughter.
SOPHIE, however, is struggling to find a new job. Having applied but failed even to get an interview for several, she believes that her age, and the fact she is unemployed, are both major barriers.
Thankfully, her husband, also a banking officer in the City, is able to support them financially, but she misses her independence. And, with just one income, they will no longer be able to afford to travel — a shared passion which has taken them to 75 countries over the years.
Despite having paid taxes for almost 40 years, and never having claimed a penny, Sophie’s prudence in saving for a rainy day also means she isn’t entitled to carer’s allowance, or benefits of any kind.
However, while she is angry about feeling forced into this position, she has no regrets. ‘We could perhaps have employed someone to care for Dad after he was released from hospital, but they wouldn’t have done it with the love of my sister or me.
‘I honestly believe that’s the reason he’s making such a good recovery, and I don’t begrudge it for a minute. He’s a wonderful father, so I’d never want him to feel like a burden.’
Emily Holzhausen, director of policy for Carers UK, says Britain is lagging behind many other countries in addressing the ticking time bomb of how — and who — will care for our ever-growing ageing population.
Long gone are the days when most women stayed at home, caring first for children, then for their mothers and fathers. And with so many women now in paid work, it inevitably creates issues, both for staff and their employers, when elderly parents need supporting.
‘When we canvass carers who are also holding down jobs, the top two things they tell us they need is paid care leave and understanding from managers,’ says Emily.
‘Both are given equal weight. Feeling supported by your employer is as significant as not having to worry about a reduced income.’
The charity would like to see legislation entitling employees to between five and ten official days of paid leave to accompany dependants to hospital appointments, or to make care arrangements.
Suzi Clark, 64, knows all about the struggles that can result from taking unofficial gran-ternity leave.
In 2012, aged 91 and struck by the triple whammy of dementia, skin cancer and an aortic aneurysm, Suzi’s father needed considerable care and, as an only child, the responsibility fell entirely to her.
He’d been living, albeit independently, in Suzi’s house in St Albans, Hertfordshire, since her mother’s death ten years previously.
Suzi, herself a widow with three grown-up daughters, worked as head of fundraising and marketing for a charity in Central London and felt she had little choice but to take days off when her father was particularly unwell or to accompany him to hospital appointments.
As she’d always worked way beyond her contracted hours, Suzi believed she was owed this time in lieu.
However, in 2014, when the charity ‘restructured’, splitting her job in two and inviting her to apply for both roles, she got neither.
‘I don’t think my taking emergency leave from work had gone down well. I was given a pay-off and, as my father still needed me, I felt I had little choice but to go.’
Sadly, and inevitably, women who find themselves caring for elderly parents are themselves likely to
be older, without the luxury of being able to embark on a new, long career and make up for their lost earnings.
Although Suzi’s father died in 2015, aged 94, she has been unable to secure a similarly well-paid job and is now forced to rent out rooms in her house, through Airbnb, to make ends meet.
‘I was with Dad around the clock during his final weeks,’ says Suzi. ‘I even slept on the floor beside his bed on the nights we didn’t have a Macmillan cancer nurse.
‘I held his hand as he was given the Last Rites — and there is nowhere in the world I’d rather have been at that moment. A tear rolled down his cheek but he told me he was ready to go.
‘There will be other jobs but I’ll only ever have one Dad — and I’ll always know I was there when he needed me most.
‘Still, it really is a terrible thing to have to make a choice between your parents and your career.’
All employees are legally entitled to ‘reasonable’ amounts of unpaid leave to deal with emergencies involving a dependant, whether that be a child, parent, spouse or anyone else for whom they have caring responsibilities.
According to employment lawyer Emma O’Leary from Manchesterbased Employment Law Advisory Services (ELAS), issues can arise in interpreting what is meant by ‘emergencies’. A child being too sick for school is considered an emergency, but taking a relative to a hospital appointment is not.
And as the ‘reasonable’ amounts of time are not quantified in terms of days, or weeks, or even months, it’s left to managers to come up with their own interpretations.
‘We have lots of inquiries from employers faced with staff asking for time off because they have caring responsibilities for a parent,’ says Emma.
‘They want to know how to handle it. What is “reasonable” is a question always asked. And that depends on the individual’s circumstances. For example, does all responsibility fall to them, or can they share it with siblings?
‘When it involves children, there’s more of a risk of an employee claiming sex discrimination because, in practice, women tend to have more responsibilities for children then men. However, there’s no such official recognition that women also have caring responsibilities for elderly parents.
‘In reality we know that this too tends to fall to daughters more than sons, but the law doesn’t recognise that yet.’
This has certainly been true for Teresa Evans, whose elder brother lives in New Zealand. She’s been caring for their mother, Joan, since she had a stroke ten years ago.
Teresa, from Stevenage, Hertfordshire, does freelance work in marketing and is also a professional photographer, but her job has been greatly affected because she frequently has to ‘drop everything’ to care for her mum, who lives two hours away in Sussex.
Her mother, who’s 96, has poor vision and walks with the aid of a frame. Last summer, Teresa moved in with her for three months while she recovered from a nasty fall.
‘Mum is adamant she doesn’t want to go into a home, so I do whatever I can to enable her to stay in her own house,’ says Teresa. ‘But this has caused disruption to my own life and work, and has also had a significant impact on my finances.’
AND as a self-employed, single woman, taking gran-ternity leave has been nothing short of disastrous. ‘I still have a mortgage on my flat, and bills to pay, but when I’m not working I’m not earning,’ she says. ‘If it wasn’t for a very close friend helping financially, I don’t know where I’d be.
‘I’m constantly weighing up whether I should move in with Mum full-time, but she lives in the middle of nowhere so that would make it even harder for me to work. And if I sold my flat and then we end up having to sell her house to pay for specialist care, I could end up homeless.’
Aged 58, and with health issues of her own, Teresa is also acutely aware that as she does not have any children, there will be no one to help care for her in old age.
‘I’m part of an organisation called Ageing Without Children — as so many of us are these days — and we often wonder what will happen to us,’ says Teresa.
‘Our income and pensions are affected because we’re looking after our elderly relatives now. But, as we’re saving local authorities a fair bit of money, will the Government make sure we’re taken care of when we’re older?’
Between 2015 and 2020, the UK population is predicted to rise by just three per cent, while the number of us who are over 65 is expected to rocket by 12 per cent, those over 85 by 18per cent, and the number of centenarians by a staggering 40 per cent.
This will place a greater burden on all aspects of state support, from pensions to healthcare.
Bearing this in mind, isn’t it high time that the knock-on effects on families caring for their elderly moved up the political agenda?
Sophie, Suzi and Teresa certainly believe so.
Some of the names in this article have been changed.