G&T and off to A&E

BOTTLES of gin are being recalled because they accidentally contain twice the legal amount of alcohol per volume. If you’re not sure, gin should usually taste of juniper with hints of botanicals. However, 77 per cent proof gin tastes of being able to see through time, with hints of being unable to put on your own underwear.

A CALIFORNIAN company has launched Sally, a robot that makes 1,000 types of salad. At last: a robot has been invented who won’t take away Scottish jobs.