What a stinker! Lewd best man speech flops
Couple beam with joy on side of home
GIVING a best man’s speech is always a tricky proposition.
With a major risk of embarrassing the bride and her family at stake, it’s often wise to play it safe.
But it appears nobody told James Matthews’ best man, who may have crossed the line between affectionate jibes and down-right bawdiness.
Justin Johannsen’s toe-curling ten-minute address made several close-to-the-knuckle references including likening Pippa to a dog and crude punchlines about sex.
Rather than keep the jokes clean, he made a lewd gag about the couple’s honeymoon, which apparently earned little more than embarrassed titters from guests. And he will win no prizes for originality as many of his jokes appear to have come straight from best man websites.
Long-time friend Mr Johannsen stepped up to the mark at 11.30pm after a five-course sit down-dinner. It started promisingly enough with tributes to guests who had travelled to the wedding.
Then there was a gentle, but affectionate tribute to the groom himself – and a revelation about how he had been carrying the rings.
‘I had them in a shower cap tucked in my shorts. he [James] said “really, in a shower cap? I don’t want that in my head when I am putting the ring on Pippa’s finger in the church”.
‘I’m sure it wasn’t on your mind in the church, but it was on your mind now, sorry Pippa.’ But the subject matter quickly went downhill, with references to buttock clenching, lads’ weekends and gay bars. After revealing how the groom had been involved in a police chase on his moped as a teenager, the more cruder references appeared.
One, which is too bawdy to repeat, involves Mr Matthews’ spaniel, Rafa. Fortunately, Mr Johannsen added in a warm tribute to Pippa’s ‘gutsiness, spirit and beauty’. he called her ‘the image of perfection’.
According to website thebestmanspeech.com, the groom should be targeted with ‘entertaining stories, deft one-liners or illuminating observations’.
Although celebrities and sports stars gathered to enjoy some legendary Middleton hospitality on Saturday night, very few of the 350-odd guests were family members.
While Pippa’s naughty uncle Gary Goldsmith and his 15year-old daughter were invited to the wedding, they were left off the guest list for the reception. Pippa’s three uncles on her father’s side, Richard, Simon and Nicholas, were also snubbed for the ostentatious evening bash.