My daughter’s moving away. Should I go too?
novelIst, grandmother of four and ex-Blue Peter presenter, Janet ellis, 61, answers your questions . . .
QI’M INCREDIBLY close to my grandchildren (aged nine, seven and five), whom I’ve looked after one day a week since they were babies. We’ve never lived more than an hour’s drive away from them. However, my daughter and her husband have decided to move to Wales.
The news came as a blow for me and my husband. I’m starting to think that maybe we should sell our house in Kent and move with them.
Some of my friends think I should let them go and see how things pan out before I make any decisions, but I just can’t imagine life without my grandchildren.
What should I do?
AI don’t know why we humans have not come up with a ‘coping with change’ gene. It makes most of us feel nervous — only a lucky few embrace it.
I’m sure you’re facing this news with trepidation not just because of what is coming, but because of everything you will be saying goodbye to.
the sort of arrangement you describe is perfect until the end of primary school, when, as I’m sure you remember, youngsters’ activities and social lives take them increasingly away from the home.
It’s worth bearing in mind that if you try to transplant your life to Wales, the only constant will be that little family — and they will be busy adjusting to a new life.
You’ll have to leave friends and your home and find things to do for the other six days in the week — time which I’m sure is fully occupied now.
Add to that the stress of a move and the responsibility your daughter might feel to ensure that it all goes smoothly for you, and it doesn’t sound like a recipe for success. Why don’t you use this opportunity to make changes you may have been postponing? Perhaps you could downsize locally and use any spare money to rent somewhere near your grandchildren, so you wouldn’t have to be their guests when you visit. Your daughter is going to find the move daunting, too, and will appreciate reassurance that she will still see you frequently and that you wish her well. You might offer to stay at their new home and babysit for them occasionally. Your grandchildren are old enough to understand that things will be different, but don’t alarm them with your fears. Focus on enjoying their company and think up special ways you can stay in touch after they have moved. though I understand that you and your husband are reeling at the news, it’s important you help each other adjust. Why not use the day a week you used to give to your grandchildren to do something together? Your daughter’s family will all look back fondly on a very happy time — but nothing lasts for ever, and neither should it. Your relationships with your grandchildren will survive change. So will you.
If you have a question for Janet, please email it to janetellis@dailymail.co.uk