My ex will ruin our daughter’s big day for me
novelIst, grandmother of four and ex-Blue Peter presenter, Janet ellis, 61, answers your questions . . .
QMY DAUGHTER is getting married this summer and I’m absolutely dreading it: my ex-husband is bringing his new wife and young child. It will be the first time we’ve met.
Seven years ago, he left me out of the blue for this woman.
There was no real apology and it blindsided me.
Although some time has passed — I am now 52 — I still feel bitter about the situation.
I haven’t met anyone else and it will be very painful, if not humiliating, to see him so happy with his new family.
This was supposed to be such a wonderful day! Now I must spend it with the two people who broke my heart.
I know I have to be supportive of my daughter, but how can I get through the day?
AIT’s totally understandable you feel as you do. You probably knew your ex would be invited, but put it to the back of your mind. As the day approaches, it’s all you can think about.
And although you won’t be feeling any sympathy for his new partner, I can’t imagine she’s looking forward to it either. That means that quite a few of the people who have your daughter in common are dreading her big day.
Although your daughter will have a lot to think about at the moment, I think it’s important she tries to help by getting you all together. Might it be an idea to get that difficult first meeting out of the way?
Why don’t you take control and suggest meeting a few days before the actual wedding? I’m hoping logistics are on your side and no one lives too many miles apart, but even if it’s only the night (or even the morning) before, try not to let the ceremony be the first time you all see each other. Gather your gang, too. Although you don’t have a new partner yet, there will be plenty of people to support you. Your close friends can be relied on to help you through the day and shield you from your sadness. If none of your closest friends has been invited, ask your daughter if she can squeeze someone in. A wedding will also reunite you with old friends and relatives who, while they might be aware of the situation, won’t be as involved — and might even assume you and your ex get on well when they see you in the same room. You’re never going to be comfortable with seeing him and his partner. There’s unlikely to be an apology, either. You’re entitled to your feelings of bitterness and grief, and it’s not surprising you resent his happiness. But your daughter is also entitled to a happy, trouble-free day. she loves both of you and wants you there. You’re her parents (something his new partner can never be) and have a huge role in her life. There will be plenty of other events to come where you’ll have to meet each other. show him how to behave with dignity when you do.