Will I ever get over my inferiority complex?

novelIst, grandmother of four and ex-Blue Peter presenter, Janet ellis, 61, answers your questions . . .

QI’M THE middle sister of three and, although my parents tried their best to treat us all the same, being a middle child has affected me my whole life.

My oldest sister was always the favourite — she excelled at everything — and the youngest was always adored and babied.

I felt like a bit of a disappointment and have always suffered from low self-esteem.

I’ve managed to have a fulfilling career and now have a family of my own, yet I can’t shake the feeling of not quite measuring up to my sisters.

At 55, I am frustrated and just feel that enough is enough. How can I finally get over this inferiority complex?

AWHen we meet someone new, the last thing we usually want to ask is where they come in the family order.

To anyone outside the family, whether we’re an only child or the eldest of 12 is not the most important thing about us. no one immediately quizzes us on the age gaps between our siblings, or even what gender they are. These things build a picture, but they’re not defining facts.

Inside the family, of course, it’s different. We’re very aware of birth order and what effect it’s had.

We often struggle with how our families — especially our parents — have defined us. It’s easy to label children, unaware of possible repercussions later in life. even flattering definitions — like being the ‘artistic’ one or the ‘clever’ one — are a reminder of who your family thinks you are and what they predict you’ll do. I suspect your sisters have felt the pressure, too. The eldest probably carries the expectation that she’ll continue to make a success of her life, while your younger sister might resent her ‘baby’ status. It’s good that you don’t bear malice towards your well-meaning parents or your sisters. It sounds as if you attend family gatherings without rancour and it’s only afterwards that you reflect on how you feel. The fact that you are finding it harder to cope with now is likely to be because you’re taking stock generally. It’s inevitable as you get older. you’ve fallen into the trap of judging yourself by the outdated standards of your younger self. you are years away from the family you grew up in. If the young you were able to meet yourself now, you’d admire your fulfilling career and loving children, not think you’ve somehow failed! There’s nothing to suggest that anyone in your life is disappointed in you. In fact, the only person who thinks you don’t measure up is you. Realising you’re a successful adult will help you wave goodbye to your judgmental inner child.

If you have a question for Janet, email janetellis@dailymail.co.uk