The dastardly Mr Deedes

The Royal Navy yesterday unveiled a series of futuristic submarine designs to mark the centenary of the first nuclear powered sub, USS Nautilus. One proposed model would be operated by a propulsion technology they wanted to call the ‘Dyson Drive’, as it would work similarly to one of Dyson’s bladeless fans. But Dyson’s stuffy intellectual property lawyers uncharitably refused permission. My Naval source says: ‘I won’t spell out what I thought of Dyson’s legal team but let’s just say it rhymes with anchors.’

News that the Financial Conduct Authority is probing a profit warning at Mitie, issued under previous boss Baroness McGregor-Smith, leads some to wonder whether the hot-breathed peer could lose her seat in the Lords should any wrongdoing be unearthed. Most unlikely. Perversely, not even a criminal conviction is an impediment to serving in the upper chamber. Labour peer Lord Watson once went down for arson and he’s now on their front bench.

Chris Gillespie, who Provident Financial has installed as troubleshooter in its beleaguered doorstep lending business, has a task on his hands assuaging worried shareholders. Charming one of the biggest investors, fund manager Neil Woodford, shouldn’t be too tough. Like Woodford, peony-cheeked Gillespie’s mad keen on equestrianism. He once sat on the board of the British Eventing team.

A former fund manager at HSBC, Emma Slade, has written a memoir, Set Free, which tells of how she jacked in her high-flying career to become a shaven- haired Buddhist nun. Having previously split her time between New York, London and Hong Kong, Slade, 51, now lives a life of celibacy in Bhutan, meditating and answering to the name Pema Deki. Churns out all sorts the City, doesn’t it?

Couple of interesting money stats from boxer Floyd Mayweather’s victory over Conor McGregor on Saturday. The result saved British bookmakers £250m, after nearly 80pc of the pre-bout wagers was placed on McGhastly. And Bet-Bonuscode.co.uk say one of its punters won £500,000 predicting the 10th round technical knockout.