WHY I’M PERFECT MARRIAGE MATERIAL AT 50
TAKE heart: not all midlife men are washed-up divorcés weighed down by beer bellies and years of emotional baggage. I should know. I’m the wrong side of 45 and about to get hitched for the first time this month. And you know what? I’ve never felt readier.
Those of us who refused to kowtow to the marriage police back in our early 30s are often dismissed as commitment-phobes, but holding out for the right woman takes courage.
So many of the men I have interviewed over the years admitted that they only got married when they did because of outside pressure from friends and family.
The truth is, I would have made a lousy husband in my 30s. I simply preferred to ‘party on down’ than ‘settle down’.
In my opinion, young men should live out their youthful folly before setting out on a lifelong commitment.
One middle-aged man I interviewed confessed that the only reason he got married at 32 was to placate his overbearing mother, who worried about what the neighbours might think if he remained a bachelor.
‘All my friends were getting married at the time,’ he told me, ‘so I just went along with it.’
He’s now 50, happily divorced and ready to settle down — only this time, for all the right reasons.
One of the great advantages of marrying a midlife man is that, like you, he will have grown into himself and
be far more comfortable in his skin. And experience will have shown him that relationships can never be perfect.
The hard knocks and the heartbreaks will have given him a clearer sense of who he is and what he wants from a marriage.
Midlife men are only after one thing — but it is not the same thing they were after when they were younger. It takes more than a pushup bra and a batted eyelash to attract our attention now. What older men desire, more than a pretty smile, more than the ability to make us laugh, even, is unbending authenticity. Midlife men have it in spades because experience has taught us that being true to ourselves leads to successful engagement with others. As men age, we become less complicated, less self-absorbed. And on a practical note, most of us will have climbed the greasy pole and put something aside for the future we are now enjoying. Being solvent makes midlife males less fearful of the unknown, which is why, if you manage to bag one, they make such devoted husbands and fathers.
Free from the biological torment of the younger years, our desire mellows into something deeper and more profound. The mature man yearns for mental, as well as physical, stimulation.
And if you’re worried that a midlifer will want nothing more than to lounge in his armchair poring over the crossword, cast that image from your mind immediately.
Men no longer turn into crusty old bores the moment they hit 50. A man can gain a beer belly and lose his hair at any age; what matters is his willingness to remain healthy and positive.
Since announcing my engagement, I’ve never felt fitter or happier. I wonder if I can still get into that morning suit . . .