Help! I’ve turned into an embarrassing mother . . .
novelIst, grandmother of four and ex-Blue Peter presenter, Janet ellis, 62, answers your questions . . .
QI’VE always had a good relationship with my daughter — more of a friend and confidante — but now she’s in her 20s, I’m worried I’m starting to get on her nerves.
I’m only 52 and like many of the same things she and her university friends enjoy (fitness classes, going out for drinks, shopping), so we spend quite a bit of time together.
She seemed to love this when she was in her teens, but now I feel the fact I’m interested in the same things as her has become an embarrassment to her. I don’t want to give up doing what I love, but I’m desperate to get our relationship back on track. What can I do?
AiF yOu suspect you are becoming an embarrassment to your daughter, it’s probably because you are. Actually, make that definitely.
it’s not unique to you — it’s part of putting the necessary distance between us and our children to let them grow independently.
She needs to spread her wings and she can’t do that if you’re shaking your feathers beside her.
these days, the line between the generations is blurred. there are some things the young do — watching 768 episodes of Love island, say, or going clubbing — which are designed to leave us oldsters out. the trouble starts with things you’ve always done together. Just because they stock your dress size in topshop or you can sing along to ed Sheeran doesn’t mean you should join your daughter when she shops or parties. i don’t think you ought to stop anything you enjoy doing. neither should you assume your days of having fun with your daughter are over. But there’s a balance to be struck. it’s not that she wants to exclude you, it’s more that she won’t automatically include you in the way she used to. time apart from you will allow her space to find out about herself. the same applies to you. Perhaps that’s part of what’s worrying you. Despite your admirably young outlook, there’s probably a large part of you that fears the advancing years as much as losing touch with your daughter. you’ll always have things in common and, as she gets older, that’ll include more than just the fun stuff. Let her find her own tribe as you did. And remember, you’re her mum, not her friend.