Breakfast with Alexei (Did I tell you I used to be First Minister?)
FOLLOWING his unceremonious exit at this year’s General Election, it is Alex Salmond’s bid to recapture his place in the spotlight as the star of his own show. But, with controversy surrounding his choice of broadcaster, will it keep his career afloat – or sink it?
THIS programme, declared Alex Salmond at the top of The Alex Salmond Show on channel five hundred and something on my TV set, will give people with something to say a platform to say it.
Not perhaps the most keenly observed of television platforms. It was 7.30 in the morning. This particular platform is possibly most commonly stumbled upon by those who have fallen asleep in their clothes and rolled over on the remote. But a platform nevertheless.
Not perhaps the most ethically sound of berths for people with opinions to share either. This one’s problem is it is the mouthpiece of a Russian state regime which deals with journalists saying unflattering things about it by murdering them.
Still, the man from The Alex Salmond Show had a point. It was certainly a platform. Nor, for pity’s sake, should anyone fear being trampled in the rush of platform seekers.
Even Mr Salmond’s erstwhile SNP playmates have bodyswerved his programme en masse along with practically every other one of the land’s elected representatives, past, present and, if they have any sense, future.
ALL of which appears to have worked out just fine for the fellow most anxious to say something and to have a platform – any platform, however bloodstained – on which to pontificate. His name, of course, is Alex. Alexei to his mates.
The scene is set, then, for the former First Minister of Scotland’s debut as talk show host- cumopinion-giver on RT, the channel formerly known as Russia Today, a career move which shrieks of neediness as shrilly as The Donald, as petulantly as a Premier Leaguer. New-born babes, watch and learn.
We begin with some messages via Twitter. The first asks: ‘ So, why RT?’
‘Well, Ella,’ explains the presenter, ‘I have total editorial control and RT offers an international platform, so why not RT?’
‘Um, because it’s the propaganda arm of a state which murders journalists?’ Ella might have responded if the former FM didn’t have total editorial control.
Which brings us to another regular feature of the show – the times which Mr Salmond begins a sentence with the words. ‘When I was First Minister…’
If Oor Alex didn’t have such stringent editorial control of the programme this feature could be quite fun. It could become a catchphrase like Uncle Albert saying ‘During the war…’ on Only Fools and Horses.
Just saying, Alex, you’re in the entertainment business now.
There followed a brief interview with Labour Peer Baroness Helena Kennedy, who may well have had important things to say on the sexism scandal engulfing Westminster but appeared to be wear- ing thigh boots. After that I was distracted by the fact the ultraaustere set resembled a prison cell – not a posh Scottish one, but something out of the Soviet era.
Then it was time to bring on the next regular feature on the show, dear friend and fellow Election 2017 reject Tasmina AhmedSheikh. Yes, it turns out Tasmina will be the show’s i n- house reporter, fearlessly uncovering such transgressions, I imagine, as the abuse of power, corruption and oppression, all under the expert editorial control of Alex who has a long and proud record of opposing this kind of thing.
Mrs Ahmed-Sheikh is a valuable addition to the show in a she-isn’tSalmond kind of a way. So I do hope she doesn’t become too useful at this reporting malarkey and be stolen away by one of the bigger platforms.
But on to The Alex Salmond Show’s big exclusive for week one –a sit- down i nterview with deposed Catalan leader Carles Puigdemont, who is hiding out in Belgium to avoid being thrown in jail by Spanish authorities accusing him of criminality in his bid for independence.
SALMOND was right. It was powerful stuff. The brooding, exiled president licking his wounds on foreign soil as back home in the old country, revolution stirred. The Catalan guy seemed pretty miffed too.
‘When I was First Minister…’ his interviewer chirruped at one point and I thought I saw Carles do a Del Boy groan. To be sure, independence battles are tough wherever you go.
Salmond used the remaining minute or so on his platform to tell us some more of what he thought about stuff. Then he said: ‘From Tasmina and I, until the next time, goodbye for now.’
I know he has complete editorial control and all. But shouldn’t that be Tasmina and me?