Scottish Daily Mail

Is it just ME?

Or is it impossible to find a tasteful Valentine’s?

- by Sophia Money-Coutts

Cards today are so vulgar they would make Donald Trump blush

I’M NO prude. I appreciate a bawdy joke. The Wife of Bath and I might have been pals, back in the day. But there’s bawdy and there’s revolting, and I fear that this year’s crop of Valentine’s cards have oversteppe­d that line.

I only noticed how crude some of the cards were because of an online ad for a card company. The picture was of a Valentine’s card with a unicorn and a terrible joke about its horn. It’s the sort of thing Mary Whitehouse would probably have tried to ban.

Upon further investigat­ion, I have to say I’m with Mary. I visited a couple of card websites and my Whitehousi­an sensibilit­ies swelled.

I can’t describe many as they’re so vulgar they’d make Donald Trump blush.

But imagine your beloved sending you a card which had an expletive-laden propositio­n on it. You’d dump them on the spot. And quite possibly report them to the police.

My eye fell on a pink card illustrate­d with a very basic anatomical drawing. A three-year-old might have daubed it with his finger at nursery school. The caption read: ‘These are the only reasons I love you’. And I don’t want to be too pofaced about this, but really? In 2018? That card feels a bit Presidents Club to me.

I went in to Scribbler and the situation was, if anything, worse. ‘I WANT YOU (to do the washing up)’ said one card. Another: ‘You’re the world’s okayest boyfriend’. What’s going on, card retailers? It’s as if you’ve all designed your cards in the pub after too many beers. There’s no wit here.

Bring back the romance. Nothing wrong with Milk Tray, some tulips and a card with a heart motif. If in doubt, remember: fair maiden’s heart was never won by a card with a schoolboy joke.

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