New voice Vicki is a bright Sparks
It’s not quite Adams and Keown but it’s a decent double act
FOURTEEN months after David Moyes threatened Vicki Sparks with a slap, she slapped down that old notion that the womenfolk of football’s village must not lead any of the discussions.
In much the same way that this World Cup has fleshed out a theory that all Russians aren’t weapon-carrying hooligans on performance-enhancing drugs, Sparks yesterday proved the complexities of football commentary are not beyond the capabilities of half the population.
Of course, to look at Twitter throughout much of PortugalMorocco would be to assume she had hawked the trophy at Cash 4 Gold, or neutered the spirit of Pickles the dog.
What transpired is that a woman led the commentary of a World Cup match for the first time, anywhere. And — process this — she did it well. She wasn’t exceptional and to suggest she was would be a little like the clapping Patrice Evra gave Eni Aluko on ITV.
But she was solid, good, no more and certainly no less, sitting in next to Martin Keown and bringing the ball out while he put in the heavy tackles. On Pepe’s late dive, the ex-Arsenal centre back went with ‘pathetic’. The younger team-mate opted for a more subtle ‘oh, dear’.
That was generally her approach — the gentler touch, safe between the margins. In time, the natural progression will see Sparks express herself more, not necessarily the full Jonathan Pearce, but more out of the comfort zone.
But for opening performances, there was not a foot wrong.
When Cristiano Ronaldo scored, she was quick with a stat that no European had scored more international goals. When Nordin Amrabat threw off his scrum cap, she was across the details of his apparent concussion. She had done her homework and presented it accurately to the wise old masters of social media. And how that enlightened bunch responded.
‘Dogs are the only living entities that are enjoying the commentary of Vicki Sparks today. Shrieking wench,’ wrote @NostroFoz. And @funkapotomus remarked: ‘All for equal opportunities but you ladies don’t half pick your worst. Hilary Clinton, Theresa May and now Vicki Sparks.’
For his part, John Terry posted a picture of his TV on Instagram, with the caption: ‘Having to watch this game with no volume.’ He later claimed he had a technical fault.
In any case, while some criticised the shrieks, @WafcSean noted how it was ‘incredibly grating how everything she says has the EXACT same monotone’.
Sometimes, you cannot win. But it can’t be denied this was a victory, just as it was in 2007 when Jacqui Oatley became the first woman to commentate on Match
of the Day and the days last week when Alex Scott and Aluko were pundits for the BBC and ITV.
It is likely Sparks will become more prominent, due to the logic that the BBC would not have used her for a game featuring Ronaldo unless they felt she had a talent worth investing in. Listening to a woman commentate on the World Cup feels like a change because it is a change. It’s not the familiarity of John Motson or Pearce, but then, loads of folk loathe them.
Not everyone will be loved like Barry Davies, or talk themselves into the lexicon like Kenneth Wolstenholme, and nor should that be the entry standard. The entry standard is competence at the level. If Sparks proves that she has it, then it shouldn’t be much of a slap-in-the-face surprise to the chaps of Twitter if change, God forbid, should take hold.