Dated shaggy dog story will leave you growling

In PATRICK, the pug easily gives the best performance — controlled, puckish, melting-eyed — while the humans end up chewing the scenery.

This hysterical outbreak of overacting is an attempt to make up for a leaden script, in which a BridgetJones-like singleton is landed with her dead grandmother’s spoiled and ageing pug, Patrick (pictured).

Sarah (Beattie Edmondson) takes to dog-owning like a fish to a bicycle. She’s a ditsy English teacher, whose life is upended by a pooing, chewing canine.

But then Sarah realises Richmond Park is filled with handsome men and their dogs — in this case a smug Ed Skrein, and a charming Tom Bennett, the only actor who emerges from this film without embarrassment. There’s also a moment where podgy Patrick waddles off to chase deer, which looks like a rip-off of the infamous viral YouTube video of a runaway labrador (‘Fenton!’). Patrick is directed by Mandie Fletcher who made Absolutely Fabulous, but this time the writing is dated and dull. Jennifer Saunders is wasted as a school cookery teacher, as are cameos from Bernard Cribbins, Roy Hudd and Peter Davison. I laughed once, and that was at the dog.

Patrick (PG) Verdict: Doggedly unfunny rom-com