Don’t waste the love of a grandchild
I KNEW last week’s letter from a grandmother who felt both exploited by her daughter’s family and left out of fun outings would prompt responses.
My advice that Julia would be wise not to rock the boat was disagreed with by Mrs B: ‘This grandmother is being taken advantage of by her daughter and son-in-law. I agree with her husband that she should get a job and let them sort out their own childcare arrangements.’
Mrs L disagreed, too, saying, ‘many grandparents feel used’ and ‘I do think it’s time daughters appreciated how hard it is looking after grandchildren, especially if the grandmother is getting on in years.’ Well, I wouldn’t argue with that.
A grandfather said he sympathised with Julia (as I did) and so my response annoyed him — then went on to reach the same conclusion: ‘Their situation has no satisfactory solution. Their only consolation is the love of their grandson.’
But listen to this from Eileen: ‘How I would love that situation. I haven’t had contact with my grandchild for three years.
‘Sadly her father, my beloved son, is a heroin addict and was never going to be a suitable father. We have tried and failed to help him.
‘We had hands-on, beautiful time with this little girl until her mother cut us out of her life... I secretly cry when out with my pooch and can’t ever imagine seeing my son or granddaughter again.
‘I am 73 so time is not on my side. I had my son late, at 38, so by the time this little girl is old enough, I won’t be here to welcome her. So your reader Julia should be grateful for lovely long times with her grandchild.’
That puts matters into perspective, doesn’t it?
Meanwhile, Mrs B asked: ‘Will the grandchildren spend lots of time with Grandma in old age? It’s anyone’s guess.’
To that I’d riposte that to peer into the future will drive you mad. What’s the point? You do what you can to help your family because you love them. That’s all.
Bel answers readers’ questions on emotional and relationship problems each week. Write to Bel Mooney, Scottish Daily Mail, 20 Waterloo Street, Glasgow G2 6DB, or email bel.mooney@dailymail.co.uk. Names are changed to protect identities. Bel reads all letters but regrets she cannot enter into personal correspondence.