Dad fled a violent home aged 13 — that’s why he saved Britain’s first women’s refuge
BRITAIN is full of unsung heroes and heroines who deserve recognition. Here, in our weekly obituary column, the moving and inspiring stories of ordinary people who lived extraordinary lives, and who died recently, are told by their loved ones.
Earlier this year, at a family gathering, Dad said to my husband: ‘andy, if i dropped dead tomorrow, i’ve had a wonderful life.’
and he was right — although it had been the roughest of starts.
His childhood was blighted by death, deprivation and violence, and at the age of 14 he’d started work down the mines.
Yet he overcame it all to create a loving family and to serve others, especially vulnerable women and children. He played an important role in the survival of Chiswick Women’s aid, a refuge set up in 1971 by the campaigner erin Pizzey for domestic abuse victims. it was a cause for which he could have gone to prison.
One of five siblings, Dad was born in 1926 in the then coalmining village of Shotts, lanarkshire. Pit accidents were common; i remember him saying how often they’d hear the siren, warning of an accident. and when he was seven, that siren rang for his father Joe, who was killed in a collapse.
His mother remarried soon after and the family moved south, to Coventry. But their new stepfather was a violent man. By the age of 13, Dad felt he had to leave home. He told me he felt he might have killed his stepfather if he’d stayed.
Taking his younger brother with him, Dad moved back to Scotland to live with their uncle, and found work in the local pit. it was the start of World War ii and mining was a protected industry, so he was never called up to fight.
after the war, Dad worked as a waiter at Butlins Holiday Camp at Filey in Yorkshire, and later at another camp at Portelet Bay, Jersey — which is where, in 1949, he met my mother Olive, then 19. it was love at first sight for them both.
Dad moved to london to find work and
to be near Olive, and they married in 1952, settling in Hounslow. At Mum’s suggestion, he began to study maths and engineering at night school, so he could find work as a tooling engineer.
She also encouraged him to join her ballroom dancing lessons, which became a lifelong shared passion. They were a fixture in the world of ballroom and knew Len Goodman, the former Strictly judge. Dad’s speciality was the slow foxtrot.
With his engineering qualifications, Dad worked for EMI and British Airways. His credo was fairness in the workplace; he was already a member of the Labour Party when he met Mum and was becoming increasingly interested in local government.
That passion led him to be elected to the local council, and he was even invited to stand as an MP for Feltham and Heston in the Seventies, but declined, fearing too much time away from the family.
Dad felt that his role was to make life better on a local level. So when he was told to sign an eviction notice for an overcrowded property in Chiswick — Britain’s first home for battered wives, founded by erin Pizzey — he refused.
He was warned he might be prosecuted and go to prison, but Dad knew what life was like in a violent home and he stood firm, appearing on Thames Television’s Today programme to explain how important these sanctuaries were.
He remained a friend of the Chiswick Women’s Aid movement, now known as refuge, all his life. When the charity celebrated its 45th anniversary at the House of Lords in 2017, Dad and Mum were invited.
Dad’s career in local government flourished and in 1978, he and Mum were selected as Mayor and Mayoress of Hounslow.
His family, though, was the centre of his life and he was a loving father to my elder brother Kerry and me, and adoring grandfather to his four grandchildren.
Dad and Mum retired to Windlesham in Surrey, where they continued to dance. When Mum developed dementia, Dad was happy to be her carer. He always credited her with ‘saving his life’ by encouraging him to study and better himself.
Dad’s death was unexpected, following a routine heart operation. The day before he died, he and Mum had spent a lovely afternoon reminiscing. He was a gentleman to the last, who thrived on others’ happiness.
JAMES (JIM) Duffy, born May 16, 1926, died June 13, 2018, aged 92.