My brother thought Dad had locked the door to wrap presents... his suicide came right out of the blue
SAYS CHARLIE ADAM
STOKE CITY and Scotland midfielder Charlie Adam last night opened his heart on the agony of losing his father to suicide.
Charlie Adam Senior was found dead at his home in Dundee in December 2012, a discovery which devastated wife Ellie, Charlie Junior, his brothers Grant, Gary and Connor, and sister Nicola.
The 50-year-old (below) had been a professional footballer who starred for several clubs including Dundee United, Partick Thistle and St Johnstone, and was hugely influential in his son’s successful playing career.
Yesterday, in a candid interview to raise awareness for World Mental Health Day, former Rangers and Liverpool midfielder Charlie Adam Junior recalled the moment he learned the awful news just before Christmas six years ago.
‘My brother was calling me,’ he told BBC Scotland. ‘I’m not one for talking on the phone. I prefer to text but my brother kept calling me and calling me. I answered the phone. He was in tears. I said: “What’s up? What’s up?” He couldn’t really say it. He said: “Listen, I’ve found Dad in the bedroom”. And I said: “What?” We always had a ritual where my dad would wrap the (Christmas) presents, but he would lock the door. When my brother found the door locked, he thought he was wrapping presents...’
For Adam and the rest of the family, losing Charlie Senior in such circumstances was completely unexpected. There had been no tell-tale warning signs. No note was left behind, no closure granted to a family whose lives had been shattered.
‘It was just out of the blue,’ said Adam. ‘We never knew. There were no letters. There was no reason.
‘My dad was portrayed as this big, hard person. But, really, he had a soft heart. He was an emotional guy, devoted to family.’ When tragedy struck, Adam was in his first season at Stoke after moving from Liverpool in a £4million deal. After losing his dad, the gifted playmaker immersed himself in his football.
But in the first few weeks of his grief, he fell out of favour with then-boss Tony Pulis and was told it was time to find a new club.
‘He (Pulis) came to me in the January and said: “I think it’s time for you to move. I don’t think it has worked for the club and I don’t think it’s working for you”. ‘That hit me hard. That’s when I realised what’s actually happened to me and I thought: “What’s going to happen now?” ‘I had a fouryear contract and I’d played from the start of the season until that moment. ‘But, fortunately, I’d played for Liverpool in the Europa League (earlier that season). You can’t play for three teams in one season, so there was no way I could go anywhere else.
‘I didn’t played until March. We were in a bit of a relegation battle, and I got thrown in to Queens Park Rangers away. I never expected it. I was in the team until the end of the season.’
When Adam scored the winner at home to Norwich City in April 2013, he celebrated his first goal since the death of his dad by looking up to the heavens.
By the end of the season, however, Adam was forced to confront his grief head-on. Now he hopes he can use the experience, allied with his public profile, to help those who are in a similar, heartbreaking situation.
‘That summer was the most difficult. Reality kicked in,’ recalled the 32-year-old.
‘I was going to see psychologists, people at the club were helping me, and they just put it into perspective. I tried to control my whole family, but I was doing about five different jobs. Sometimes you need to sit back and look after yourself. You are in an emotional state as well and you need to look after yourself.
‘It was a difficult time but when I got back into playing, a new manager (Mark Hughes) came in, and it was great.
‘It’s always tough when the date (of his dad’s death) comes round but I can talk about it now.
‘It was a tough time for the family, but we got together and we’re stronger now for it. I hope my experiences, because I’m in the public eye a little bit, can help other people.’
Kilmarnock striker Kris Boyd was similarly oblivious to the problems his brother Scott was enduring before he took his own life in September 2016.
Despite being a close family, the former Rangers and Scotland forward did not know his sibling had depression or that his (Kris’s) wife, Christine, suffered with anxiety. His response was to set up the Kris Boyd Charity to educate people about mental health issues rather than dismissing them.
‘There are people out there struggling and it’s a very, very tough life for them — and I didn’t see that in Scott,’ Boyd told BBC Scotland.
‘It makes it even tougher that you didn’t know and that makes me even more determined to go and try to help people to understand.
‘My wife’s got bad anxiety and, I’ll be the first to admit, I hadn’t a clue. I’d be: “Come on, get on with it, there’s nothing the matter with you”. I’m still learning and hope I’m getting better, but it ain’t easy.’
Breathing Space is a free, confidential phone service for anyone in Scotland experiencing low mood, depression or anxiety. Call 0800 838587.
Contact the Samaritans on 116 123.
For more information on the Kris Boyd charity, visit www. thekrisboydcharity.co.uk