A white coat for surrender? No, she’s clinging on
THERESA May wore a white coat yesterday afternoon for yet another Commons Statement on Brexit. White for surrender? If so, to which side? Or was it the white coat of a psychiatric nurse? It must now be apparent to most bystanders that the London political class has been unhinged by our imminent departure from the EU?
A testy session. Jeremy Corbyn said Mrs May should let him have a go at being PM. Mrs May, you will be shattered to hear, disagreed. Amid the brouhaha, Speaker Bercow’s tonsils flapped like a pennant on the Solent.
MPs heckled, shouted, shook their heads, sucked their upper gums as if playing Monty Python crones. They aimed their crossness not so much at Mrs May as at one another and at that unavoidable fact of political life: Brexit was chosen by the electorate. The Grouse of Commons may hate that but it has happened.
Mrs May was asked a good ten times if she would support a second referendum – ‘a People’s Vote’. After repeatedly saying that ‘the people had a vote’ in 2016, she finally reverted to ‘I refer the Hon Member to the answer I gave earlier’. This made Tory Remainers such as Anna Soubry (Broxtowe) and Dominic Grieve (Beaconsfield) and their ilk – about six of them nesting at the back of the House – v. batey. Miss Soubry scolded the air in front of her sharp nose. Mr Grieve, who has finally tipped over the edge, to no great surprise, announced that he would not be supporting the Government on Brexit unless – stamp of little booties – he was given his second referendum.
Mrs May noted calmly that he had changed his position a fair bit over the months.
When Boris Johnson (Con, Uxbridge & S Ruislip) was called, there was more noise than when the England pack are going for a pushover try at Twickenham. Mayhem. In the event, Mr Johnson created no difficulties for Mrs May and reserved his criticism for Jeremy Corbyn. David Davis (Con, Haltemprice & Howden) tried for a while to catch the Speaker’s eye but after a while he left the Chamber.
Almost an hour passed before we had the first jocular question. It came when pleasingly plump-tummied Sir Oliver Heald (Con, NE Herts) picked up on Mr Corbyn’s allegation that Brexit Secretary Dominic Raab had been sent to Brussels amid ‘chaos’ at the weekend and that he had returned ‘with his tail between his legs’.
Sir Oliver gave a buttery little chuckle – it contained enough cream for ducklings to have paddled in it. He hoped Mr Raab would be sent over to the Continent ‘as often as possible’ provided he secured a decent agreement with the Europeans.
It was hardly a wisecrack at all but it was said with a generosity of spirit that had until that moment been absent. It thus helped pop some of the nastiness in the air.
On the Labour backbenches, meanwhile, Chuka Umunna (Streatham) was a portrait of tragedy. Blowing bubbles. Owen Paterson (Con, N Shropshire) had a good point: what exactly is the EU’s problem with letting Irish customs checks be done using new technology.
MRS May muttered something about how any new warehouses could possibly be attacked. It was not wildly convincing. Northern Ireland Secretary Karen Bradley, on the front bench, looked unhappy.
Lib Dem leader Sir Vince Cable had the day’s other good question: er, why was Mrs May making a Statement, given that she had nothing new to report? Sir Vince was belaboured from all sides for asking this. Such is his fate in a Chamber where he has so few MPs and where Speaker Bercow seems to care little for him. Mrs May was not much amused by the question. She is not much amused by anything. But Sir Vince had a point.
The sole function of Mrs May’s appearance was to show that she was still at the helm. Not dead yet.