Festive season is a nightmare for singles

POOr you — this is not easy. Your problem is timing, in more ways than one. You’ve been together for eight months and that’s tricky. It’s the inbetween time. It’s neither too-soon-toscare-him-off territory, nor is your relationship a done deal. But it’s entirely reasonable of you to be looking for signs of commitment — or otherwise — right now.

But the bigger timing issue is the season itself. Christmas can be wonderful, of course, but it can also be a nightmare. Particularly for a single woman in her early 40s. all eyes will be on you and your love life when you see your family and friends.

You’ve probably watched your school and university friends pair off, get married and have kids, and it’s not necessarily easy to answer the inevitable questions about ‘anyone special’ in your life.

In your letter you talk about being ‘embarrassed’ in front of your family and ‘mortified’ in front of your friends. So I’m not sure you want to spend time with your boyfriend over Christmas because you can’t bear to be without him. I don’t think this is about losing him, I think it’s about losing face.

I totally understand the desire to stop everyone in their tracks by serving up your new boyfriend on Boxing day, but I’m sure that, deep down, you know that’s not the point.

Be honest with yourself. Is he really the one for you? do you really want him? I suspect not. and I suspect you know it.

and, I’m sorry to be blunt, but I think the fact he doesn’t want to start the New Year with you is a clear signal that he’s not too bothered either.

and that should make the next bit easier.

If you want to, do what I’d do and go for the sledgehammer: tell him that you have a packed party schedule, thanks, and couldn’t find time to see him even if you wanted to.

Or, if you’re more of a kid-glove kind of girl, just quietly make your own plans. Tell your friends and family you’d rather spend time with them, not someone you’ve known for less than a year.

It’s his choice not to spend time with you over the festive period, but you can also make a choice. Choose not to be bothered. Choose to be brave. Choose to have a lovely time with family and friends, then move on. Better things lie ahead.