Beware – once a cad, always a cad

DOM SAYS:

Thank you for writing to us. Your letter has left me feeling rather sad. This is a difficult scenario indeed. The separation of a couple is never straightforward when there’s a child involved, even when the child has become an adult.

While I’m sorry this other chap has lost his mother, I think he’s behaving rather poorly. as is your fiancee. I think you’re right to be upset. I would be, too.

I also think you’re correct to doubt how honourable his intentions are. Your partner is quite probably dealing with some unresolved issues here and I think she’s making a huge mistake. She shouldn’t be doing this. he shouldn’t be doing this.

This is very bad form on both their parts.

You should be concerned. If I were in your shoes, I would be very uncomfortable.

This man has shown his mettle in the past. he is not a decent sort. I fear your fiancee, a perfectly decent woman, is being suckered in. Perhaps she (and he) are looking back fondly on the good old days. We all know how time can rose-tint our memories. But I would say that if it broke up once, it will break up again. They’re making a mistake.

The conversations that have been taking place when you’re not present are rude and inconsiderate to you. Even if nothing is going on, it makes life uncomfortable for you.

My take on this is that either all three of you are friends or none of you are.

You’re right to be offended. You’re not overreacting.

Perhaps she still holds a candle for him; maybe it’s long extinguished and she’s simply being kind to the father of her son. Either way, her behaviour is hurting you and that could be a disaster for your relationship.

Tell her, calmly and in a gentlemanly way, how hurt you are. hopefully, she hasn’t realised the depth of your distress and will react accordingly once you’ve put her in the picture.

Then, if it’s just the hiccup I hope it is, once the dust has settled, why don’t you put a date for your nuptials firmly in the diary? Your fiancee will love all that planning and, when she asks for your input, make sure you get enthusiastically involved.

Spend time together imagining that big party with all your friends — a party designed solely to celebrate your love.

all thoughts of the ex will instantly disappear.

and remember, she knows deep down that you’re the better man: you’ve spent years demonstrating it. Good luck.