Don’t ex­pose him out of sheer bore­dom

Scottish Daily Mail - - Inspire -

STEPH SAYS:

WoW, you have got your­self in a pickle. But it is im­por­tant you are clear that no one is here to judge you. We are here to try and help you with your dilemma not to pass judg­ment!

The first im­pres­sion I get from your let­ter is that you’re at cri­sis point, which makes me won­der what’s prompted it. I am go­ing to haz­ard a guess there has been some sort of ‘event’ that’s trig­gered your urge to con­fess all.

I know Christ­mas is a dif­fi­cult time for peo­ple in clan­des­tine re­la­tion­ships. or per­haps it’s the im­mi­nent big birth­day — your 60th — that’s mak­ing you re-as­sess your life.

are you bored? I would hate to think you would ex­pose his fam­ily to emo­tional dam­age as a re­sult of sheer bore­dom!

What­ever it is, there’s one glar­ing omis­sion in your let­ter. Love. at no point do you men­tion the L-word. a quar­ter of a cen­tury is a long time to be with some­one if there is no love there. I also find it dif­fi­cult to be­lieve you have stayed with him all these years solely be­cause of his money. So I am go­ing to give you the ben­e­fit of the doubt and as­sume you do love him, and that you have been qui­etly wait­ing and hop­ing he will even­tu­ally choose you.

as the ‘other woman’, you have paid a heavy price over the years, but you have held the faith be­cause you re­ally do have deep feel­ings for him.

So what to do? I would start with you. First, you must be bru­tally hon­est with your­self. You have some hard ques­tions to ask, not least about how you in­tend to sup­port your­self if you de­cide to leave. Per­haps you see an eas­ier way out by fab­ri­cat­ing a huge drama and forc­ing your­self to make a de­ci­sion?

Sub­con­sciously, you know that ex­pos­ing the re­la­tion­ship and telling his wife will make you act one way or the other. Ei­ther you’ll win the bat­tle and keep ‘your man’, or you’ll be forced to go.

But be very clear, this is your de­ci­sion to upset the en­tire ap­ple cart, not his. I get the im­pres­sion he is happy with the ar­range­ment as it stands, and would as­sume he is in no great rush to change.

I am sure that read­ing this you will be frus­trated I have not given you a clear an­swer as to what to do — or, in­deed, not to do. But se­cretly I be­lieve you al­ready have the an­swer and are ask­ing some­one to give you per­mis­sion to act.

Just re­mem­ber, you are hold­ing not only your hap­pi­ness in your hands, but also the hap­pi­ness of an­other en­tire fam­ily. The de­ci­sion lies with you and your heart. Please choose wisely!

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