Ade, you lazy lump, congratulations!

Middle-aged, overweight, sad owl face, lumbering dolt, usually Scottish. if it’s true that all lottery winners look like the same person and fit this particular profile, how come I haven’t won yet?

despite ticking all the above boxes, yet again it’s not me, it’s him — ade goodchild, a singleton 58-year-old factory worker from Hereford.

No, ade doesn’t hail from Scotland like most lottery winners seem to. But in every other aspect, he seems to fit the stereotype perfectly.

He is corpulent, dazed, bears a slight resemblance to a giant thumb and, unusually, insists that his mega-win will change him.

Twice-married ade scooped £71 million on the euroMillions this week, a fantastic sum. His two ex-wives have already said they don’t want a share of his money. good for them.

His first wife said it ‘couldn’t have happened to a nicer man’, while the second insisted that she is ‘happier without him’. Still, it is prospective wife No 3, whoever she may be, who will reap the lottery windfall.

ade seems like the kind of lazy, useless husband any woman would be well rid of. according to one report, he never lifted a finger to do any chores in the house or work in the garden. even after they were divorced, his second wife said she still had to go round and walk the dogs.

Yet ade is self-aware enough to joke that he’s no more attractive now he’s a winner than he was before, but that his wallet is getting more than a few admiring glances.

He says he will look after members of his family and is going to spend the money on wine and women, then waste the rest.

Can you find it in your heart to wish him well? i do, i do, i do.