BEL MOONEY

DEAR BEL,

I AM 23 and have been in a twoyear relationship with a lovely man who cares deeply about me. I’m in love and we talk about marriage and being together for ever. I can see my future with him.

However I haven’t told him about something I feel guilty about now.

Before I met my boyfriend, I had a few mutually beneficial meet-ups.

Out of desperation, after a long night revising for my mathematics degree, I decided to sign up to an ‘arrangement’ site. I was short of time but needed cash. I was extremely worried about it, so I kept it to myself.

Through the site, I met one businessman. I only ever provided him with a massage in a hotel room and would leave two hours after arriving. It was infrequent, transactional, business-like.

We met maybe three or four times before I met my boyfriend.

Sex was never involved. He was a lonely yet busy man who enjoyed the conversation after work. When

What a relief that you call me ‘worldly’! Because although I am as capable as anybody else of being judgmental when fired to anger about an issue, in your case my reply will be so liberal and pragmatic and (yes) worldly that some readers may disapprove. But I can’t help that.

I’m happy to hear you have found the man you want to share your life with and sincerely hope this all comes to pass. But please don’t spoil those possibilities by getting too guilt-ridden about that brief time in your life.

You see, I think honesty can be

I met my boyfriend I didn’t tell him about it because I knew we liked each other and I felt shame — disgust at myself.

I wanted to end my mutual arrangement as soon as our relationship began, but I still needed the money. So I met the man three times more during the first four months of my relationship with my boyfriend.

Now I feel guilt-racked over those three ‘meetings’ without my boyfriend knowing.

I wish I hadn’t done it because I love him so much money seems meaningless — our relationship is so loving and profound.

Should I tell him or keep it to myself? My ‘sugar daddy’ and I never exchanged personal information and will never meet again.

I am the only one who knows. I am financially secure with a job and more grounded now.

Please, your worldly advice could help me see the light.

MIRA

over-rated. Of course, it is important for two people who love each other to create a shared future in absolute trust. Naturally that includes admissions of needs and weaknesses — for as a couple becomes closer and closer you do share stories from the past as well as confidences in the present.

But (and it’s important) why should anybody know every darn thing about anybody else? Let’s think of our lives as spinning disco balls, fascinating as they flash points of light — yet always with a dark side round the back. It’s always turning, always changing…Just as you have changed, through loving your boyfriend.

those hook-ups with the ‘sugar daddy’ have nothing to do with your boyfriend — and so he need never