HOW IT CAN HELP YOU FIND LASTING LOVE
ONLINE dating has made it commonplace to go out with someone you know next to nothing about. You can’t rely on their online profile and you can’t always trust what they tell you about themselves in person. You have to use nunchi.
If you pay attention to reading the other person — better yet, the whole room — your focus moves away from yourself, which has a calming effect. Who doesn’t want to dissipate the nervousness we all inevitably feel on a first date?
Listen carefully to what he doesn’t say as much as what he does. Is your
date avoiding questions about family because he is an orphan, or because he has just buried them all in his back garden?
He’s unlikely to tell you either on first meeting, but you might at least learn there is some issue about his family that makes him uncomfortable. Is he vague about where he lives because he doesn’t want to give away too much personal information or because he has a wife and two kids at home?
It’s also helpful to gauge your date’s nunchi skills. How do they relate to the room themselves? If the wine they wanted isn’t available, for example, do they make a big deal of it or do they just choose another one?
Are they friendly and approachable to others, or closed off and guarded? Don’t just judge the way they behave with you, but assess the way they behave with everyone.
Finding the right partner requires plenty of nunchi. Some friends will tell you to make a list of must-haves — money, looks, good job — and not to budge from these. Others will tell you the exact opposite — that you have to throw your must-haves out of the window or you will remain alone for ever.
Nunchi is the middle path here. You neither have to drop all your standards nor enforce them unrealistically; it is important you are discerning and adaptable. Observe carefully, gather impressions, and don’t ignore ones that tell you what you don’t want to hear.
Think of the couples that you love to be around — I bet they’re the ones with good nunchi. Couples who are considerate of each other’s feelings and who can anticipate each other’s needs have a way of spreading those good and thoughtful vibes to others. We all want to spend more time with people like this.
The opposite is true for couples with poor nunchi, who either do not see or do not care about their partner’s needs. Everyone dreads having these couples around.