LITTLE JOHN

SOME years ago, i attempted to use a superloo in Stamford Hill, north London, only to find someone already inside pulling the door shut.

it turned out the cubicle was occupied by two Eastern European immigrants, who had set up home there.

apparently the annexation of public toilets by vagrants is fairly common these days. That’s if you can find one that hasn’t been closed because of the ‘savage cuts’ or been turned into a singles’ bar by members of the cottaging community.

now one council, in Porthcawl, Wales, is taking action to prevent people abusing public conveniences. it is spending £170,000 on high-tech deterrents to safeguard against ‘inappropriate sexual activity’, vandalism and rough sleeping. Weight-sensitive floors are being installed, designed to stop two people at a time crowding into cubicles. ‘violent movement sensors’ will automatically open the doors and occupants will be sprayed with high-pressure water jets whenever inappropriate activity is detected.

Sounds a bit drastic, but it’s obviously a great leap forward. Frankly, i’ve never seen the attraction of public toilets for dangerous liaisons, let alone permanent accommodation. Forty-odd years ago, a male colleague was arrested after being caught in a compromising position with another man in a khazi on barnes Common, in South London. We were discussing it in the pub when the veteran chief crime reporter arrived halfway through the conversation.

He was horrified. Seizing the wrong end of the stick, he declared: ‘i know those toilets. and i wouldn’t even have a pee in them, let alone invite a young lady . . .’