The bitterest pill is the best remedy

Well, I must say, I’ve never come across this one before.

And I’d like to say ‘thank you’ for writing in, as I suspect it took a bit of courage. This is quite something to admit to.

I’d also like to congratulate you on taking the massive step of going to couples’ counselling after 20 years of marriage, as I’m sure that wasn’t easy either.

Whenever people do go for counselling, I believe the general recommendation is that the therapist should be carefully chosen and there should be an initial meeting to see whether you get along.

After all, it is perfectly possible that you just don’t like the cut of someone’s jib, and there’s nothing wrong with that!

So it’s a bit of a shame that this didn’t happen.

But, having chosen this person, and committed to this path, it seems only correct to try to make things work.

One thing I feel is important to point out here is that, in general, counsellors are people who are professional and wellbehaved. So it does seem unlikely that she would be unfairly siding with your husband and picking on you!

You may not want to hear this, but I suspect it’s far more likely that, having chosen to go and do this — and convinced your husband to do it — you simply don’t like the direction things are taking.

You say in your letter that you feel ‘put upon’ by your husband and now by the counsellor, too.

I know that finger-pointing is not what’s supposed to happen in these sessions.

But, fundamentally, someone is going to be told they’re not trying hard enough. That they’re not putting in enough effort. And, dare I say it? Perhaps you’re being told that the problems in your marriage are more your fault than your husband’s?

My guess is you don’t like what’s been said and you’ve simply taken umbrage.

I can see how it would happen, especially if you feel your husband is just sitting there, smugly.

Of course, only you will know deep down in your heart whether this is true.

But I urge you to ask yourself if you’re really sure this woman is not telling you an unpalatable truth or two.

If so, then grow up and don’t sling the baby out with the bath water.

You can’t stand her? Good! She’s probably telling you things you need to hear!

Don’t forget — it’s often said that the bitterest pill is the best remedy.