So are Harry and Meghan right to snub the Queen at Christmas?
Two top Mail writers reveal their VERY different views...
so Meghan and harry have turned down the Queen’s open invitation to spend Christmas at Sandringham in favour of a quiet day with Meghan’s mother Doria.
I think they are completely right. They have spent the past two years with harry’s family, so it’s Meghan’s ‘turn’ to be with her mum — to have her own traditional Christmas.
It is standard behaviour for most couples, especially those with young children: taking turns to spend special occasions with one another’s families.
as a mother of two young children — Chloe, seven, and Max, three — I know that trying to keep everyone happy and making sure both sets of grandparents get quality time with them isn’t always easy.
Yes, I know the Royals aren’t ‘normal’. But this decision is hardly unprecedented: William and Kate have eschewed the traditional royal Christmas on more than one occasion in favour of the more private setting of the Middletons’ home in Bucklebury.
The Queen is said to have given her full support to harry, but still commentators are wringing their hands and speculating about a ‘huge rift’.
Should harry and Meghan show up just to stop those rumours? of course not. I admire harry more and more as he makes choices that he believes are right for his family, regardless of the critics. he is putting his wife and son first — and that’s what any decent husband and father should do.
It has been a tough year for the couple. Becoming parents for the first time is a shock for anyone. I can only imagine how hard it must be to adjust to the biggest of life’s changes with the eyes of the world upon you.
They have faced mounting criticism. It seems the Sussexes are damned if they do and damned if they don’t.
had yesterday’s news been that they were spending their third Christmas in a row with the Royals, I’ll bet my portion of turkey the headlines would be critical of ‘social-climbing’ Meghan for ignoring her poor mum.
The couple have been slated for their documentary harry & Meghan: an african Journey, in which it became clear that they have both been struggling.
I know I’m not the only mum who felt sympathy for Meghan when she admitted she was not oK. her son is six months old — that first half a year is really hard (even if you do have staff and nannies). I remember feeling vulnerable and exhausted, and no amount of money or status would have changed that.
To be feeling all this, as well as enduring the glare of the media spotlight, must be horrific.
her situation is far from easy and I wouldn’t swap my quiet life, in which successes and failures alike go unnoticed, for all the palaces and wealth in the world.
not only is the Duchess living a life a world apart from her old one but she has an ocean between her and the woman who raised her. any daughter would find that tough — and that’s why I believe it is right and necessary that the couple are carving out this precious family time with her mum.
We spent our daughter’s first
Christmas with my family. My husband didn’t question it, nor did his parents.
There is an undeniable bond between most mothers and daughters. a straw poll of some girlfriends confirms what I suspected, that none of us could have imagined spending our baby’s first Christmas away from our mums.
People have observed that, of course, the Queen would have welcomed Doria to join them. But that’s not the same, is it?
It would hardly be a relaxing day for Doria or her daughter — the walk to church, past a sea of smartphones and cameras, would be strange and stressful. and, like his brother, perhaps harry is craving a bit of normality after a lifetime spent on show. For pity’s sake, what’s wrong with that?
Maybe they will spend the day in California, perhaps they will be at home in Frogmore Cottage. Really, it’s none of our business. archie will be fascinated by the fairy lights on the tree in either country.
I wonder if they will be as foolish as I was and lovingly create a ‘stocking’ for their infant, wrapping presents a baby won’t have a clue about. I hope they’ll have crackers, wear paper hats, laugh at the silly jokes, like families the length and breadth of the country.
The couple have talked about their love of cooking together, so I like to image them managing the dinner while Doria cuddles her only grandchild. Let it be so.
and I wish them the happiest of Christmases.
We haVe all been there: you love your relatives, but families are complicated and having everyone under one roof at Christmas time can be very stressful indeed.
So I can perfectly well understand why the Duke and Duchess of Sussex don’t much want to spend Christmas at Sandringham with the Queen.
They are not long married. They have, by their own admission, had quite a tough year adjusting not only to life in the public eye but to becoming parents. It is understandable for them to want a bit of peace and quiet — a chance to reflect, away from the cameras, on their future together.
But not now. not this Christmas. not after the catalogue of PR disasters that have characterised their year, from the lavish £2.4 million refurbishment of Frogmore Cottage to the private jet-hopping while preaching about climate change, to the absurd convolutions over the arrival of baby archie.
That they seem stubbornly determined — yet again — to have everything their own way is not just an act of self-sabotage; it’s a sign that they just can’t accept the reality of their situation.
Because much as harry and Meghan want the world to see them as an ordinary couple struggling with day-to-day difficulties, they are not normal. They are royal. and that means something.
on a purely practical level, it means blessed freedom from the financial concerns that dog most families at this time of year, from worrying about feeding the 5,000 to whether Mum will be comfortable sleeping in the spare room and how that first credit card bill of January will ever get paid.
It also means they are an important part of British public life. how much they respect royal traditions — and Christmas at Sandringham is a longstanding one — matters because it directly reflects on how they feel about their role.
and right now, the impression is they simply couldn’t care less.
What harry and Meghan seem to ignore is that with rank comes a set of responsibilities.
These responsibilities are not only to the British public but also to the Queen, one of the greatest
women of our age. Now in her 94th year, and with Prince Philip turning 99 next year, she is in the twilight of her reign. Even if she lives as long as her late mother, she doesn’t have many Christmases at Sandringham left — and Philip most likely fewer.
You’d think Harry and Meghan would want to share in the festive celebrations, and what better way to do so than to take Archie to Sandringham for his first Christmas. A few snaps of him all wrapped up and cute as a button on his way to church on Christmas morning, and all criticisms would melt away.
Instead, no. They are declining the Queen’s hospitality at a time when she has never been more deserving of their gratitude. It’s an odd way to behave, even by their standards.
I’m sure it is hard living in a gilded cage, subject to constant scrutiny and forever at risk of being misjudged. But the way to make it easier is not to kick against convention and skulk around like uppity teenagers.
They need to learn to choose their battles wisely, as the Queen did, as Prince Charles had to do and as William and Kate have done.
Meghan and Harry’s desire to reform some aspects of royal life is not without merit. But in their haste to get to where they are going, they risk being seen less as forward-thinking modernisers and more as selfindulgent snowflakes.
Besides, how bad can it be? They won’t have to lift a finger at Sandringham. And what young mother wouldn’t love having staff in attendance to lighten the load a little?
If they are worried about Doria, I have no doubt the Queen would happily extend her an invitation.
If the young Duke and Duchess could just forget for a few moments how hard it is being them and open their eyes to the wonder and privilege of their position, well, who knows? They might even have a bit of fun.