Tennis is an escape from traumas in my childhood, says Andy Murray
Dunblane, divorce and tennis star’s emotional confession in new TV show
SIR Andy Murray suffered crippling panic attacks following the Dunblane massacre and his parents’ divorce, it was revealed last night.
In a new documentary, the tennis star said childhood traumas left him struggling to breathe on court.
Sir Andy was a pupil at Dunblane Primary School in 1996 when Thomas Hamilton murdered 16 children and a teacher.
He is still so scarred by the experience he was unable to talk about it directly to camera, instead leaving a tearful voice message on the director’s phone.
But the three-time Grand Slam winner said playing tennis helped him overcome his anxiety and provided him with an ‘escape’.
He tells the director: ‘You asked me a while ago why tennis was important to me. Obviously I had the thing that happened at Dunblane, when I was around nine.
‘I am sure for all the kids there it would be difficult for different reasons. The fact we knew the guy, we went to his kids’ club, he had been in our car, we had driven and dropped him off at train stations and things.
‘Within 12 months of that happening, our parents got divorced.
That was a difficult time. And then six to 12 months after that my brother moved away from home. We used to do everything together so that was quite hard for me.
‘For a year or so I had lots of anxiety that came out when I was playing tennis. When I was competing I would get really bad breathing problems.
‘My feelings towards tennis is that it’s an escape for me in some ways. That’s why tennis is important to me.’
Sir Andy, 32, previously touched briefly on the shooting while being interviewed by Sue Barker for a BBC documentary in 2013. Breaking down in tears, he said: ‘You have no idea how tough something like that is.’
His older brother Jamie, 33, was also a pupil at the Perthshire school at the time.
Sir Andy talks candidly about his life in the Amazon Prime film which focuses on his fight back from the hip injury that nearly ended his career.
Resurfacing, which was filmed by his brother-in-law’s partner Olivia Cappuccini, recounts the long struggle Sir Andy endured to get back to fitness, even showing footage of the operation which saved his career.
There is also self-filmed footage of him after a late night defeat in Washington DC in summer 2018, when he expresses the fear that his career is over.
The Olympic gold medal winner saw the film in full for the first time at its premiere in London last night.
Intimate scenes show the father of three cradling what looks to be one of his daughters on the court and having an MRI scan on his injured hip.
The insights into his personal life are rare for Sir Andy, as he usually keeps the identity of his children and his family life extremely private.
Alongside the trailer, he wrote on Instagram: ‘No matter how many times I break down, there is always a little piece of me that says “no you’re not done yet, get back up”.
‘I’m not usually one for cheesy quotes and I don’t know who said it but this one resonates with me.
‘This is a story of my journey of the last two years... I hope you all enjoy it.’
Speaking ahead of last night’s screening, Sir Andy also touches on his close bond with Jamie and why while he looks tense watching fellow players it is worse if it is his brother.
He said: ‘With the others I get nervous but my instinct when watching them is just support them and try and pump them up, whereas when I am watching Jamie I’m like completely into my shell.
‘When it’s Jamie it’s odd. It’s like it’s not so much about win
‘It’s an escape in some ways’ ‘Play for as long as I can’
ning and losing, I want him to win but I just want him to be okay and do well.’
Sir Andy, who only recently returned to playing tennis, told how he missed three matches at last week’s Davis Cup finals because of a bruise on a bone in his pelvic area.
He even thought of retiring weeks before winning the European Open in Antwerp last month. The former world number one, who had surgery in January, said recent success in Asia was a turning point.
After gaining more confidence during tournaments in Zhuhai,
Beijing and Shanghai, the Scot produced a remarkable level of consistency to win in Belgium – his first title since 2017.
Sir Andy said: ‘Asia was basically where I started to realise I can do this because at the beginning of that trip, literally two or three days before the first tournament,
I was having conversations with my team.
‘I was practising and I was like “I am giving this until the end of the year and if I’m not winning matches and feeling better than I am now, I don’t want to keep going”. I was putting a lot of effort in but my movement wasn’t at the right level, but as I started to play quite a few matches it changed quite quickly.
‘I won a few matches, started to feel better and maybe I gained more confidence in my hip. I stopped thinking about it in matches.’
Now he is eager to challenge himself at January’s Australian Open – where this year he revealed the full extent of his hip problems and tearfully announced he was considering retirement.
A strong performance there would raise the possibility of Sir Andy competing at Wimbledon again. He said: ‘To play there, yes (I’m feeling positive), but winning? No. I wouldn’t put my money on me to win the event just now, but if I can get there and be painfree, I can do well.’
Although he was only able to compete in one match for Great Britain at last week’s Davis Cup, he confirmed he was ‘ahead of where I expected to be at this stage’ with regard to his hip.
Quizzed on what age he would consider retirement, he said: ‘It depends how long the hip lasts basically. I could have other injuries on top of that as well. If I am healthy, I’d love to play for as long as I can.’
Sir Andy recently revealed that the constant agony of his hip problems had put a great deal of strain on his relationship with wife Kim, 31.
He said: ‘I was pretty down, that’s for sure. It was a tough period because it wasn’t so much the actual injury itself.
‘Being injured can be frustrating, but the issue I had was with me every single day, sleeping and walking. This woke me up in the night. It was bad.
‘It put a lot of strain on our relationship because I was down all the time.’
However, Sir Andy added that his wife had been ‘brilliant’ throughout his health battle.
He met Kim in 2005 and the couple got married in his home town in 2015. Their first son, Teddy, was born last month – a brother for Sophia, now three, and Edie, two.
Resurfaced is released on Amazon Prime this Friday, November 29.