Ulrika’s nuts to date again ...but you have to admire her
YoU have to admire Ulrika Jonsson’s optimism, if nothing else. After three failed marriages and four children by four different fathers, the 52-year-old television personality could be forgiven for throwing herself in a nunnery for ever.
For strapping on a regiment-proof chastity belt, lacing up a pair of chunky man-repellent shoes and bolting the door behind her.
We would all understand if she decided, after such serial failure in the happy-ever-after stakes, to forsake men and to give up on romance in perpetuity. To finally accept that if there is a Mr Right he took a wrong turn down Dead End Gulch many moons ago.
But no. This lonesome cowgirl ain’t hanging up her guns any time soon. Ulrika has joined an over-50s dating site, proving that she still believes in love, despite everything that love has done to her.
This conviction is something of a seasonal miracle, like bright-eyed turkeys still believing Christmas to be the most wonderful time of the year, even as they scamper towards their basted doom.
And while Ulrika may be a retired weather girl with a tattoo on her arm that reads fem-uh-nist (oh dear) she is not going to spend the rest of her days quietly desiccating on her Home Counties sofa, eating cream cheese crispbreads and watching repeats of Flog it!, which is exactly what i would advise.
instead, the crazy fool has advertised herself on a dating website, where she announced she is looking for a new partner, preferably someone who is ‘not full of themselves’. Press the pause button right there. Ulrika. A word. Men — and women — who are full of themselves never realise that they glutinously overflow in such an overbearing way, so don’t waste your time.
The edict does make me wonder about her emotional intelligence and phoney baloney detection skills, although her triple-divorce status and dating history suggest they never were highly attuned.
What do you give the woman who has dated Sven-Goran Eriksson, Stan Collymore, Les Ferdinand, Mick Hucknall and Vic Reeves, among others?
A medal for services above and beyond the call of booty duty, for a start. Followed by an operation to surgically remove the rose-tinted glasses she appears to have worn for most of her life.
‘Honesty valued. No arrogant men need apply,’ writes Ulrika on her dating profile, suggesting she has learned at least one lesson on her rocky route march to love.
She also posted photographs of herself posing like mad, flinging back her hair without a care in the world. The snaps look about ten years old — so much for honesty! Yet
Ulrika is only 52, still decades away from the kind of age where the only acceptable affair of the heart is a bypass — according to Joan Rivers.
And it is perfectly understandable that she wants to be in a loving relationship. After all, it is what most of humanity wants, too.
Loneliness is a deadening blight, a knotweed of silent despair that lurks unseen under the surface of society. Why not do everything you can to turn away from its gloomy embrace?
TURNiNG 50 does not mean turning off your feelings, or to suddenly stop yearning for love. indeed, it is to Ulrika’s enormous credit that she is willing to go through potentially more grief after all those failed relationships and decades of heartbreak.
Yet many might wonder why she bothers to put herself through it, or why she can’t take up a nice hobby instead. Gardening, after all, is good for the soul. i can personally vouch for the quiet pleasures of knitting on a cold and loveless night. Meanwhile the consolatory joys of ice cream and gin should not be overlooked.
Ulrika describes herself in her online profile as a ‘nutter’.
No arguments from me — but do you know what? i can’t be cynical about this.
i think her joining a dating site is nothing short of pretty damn wonderful. To still have good cheer in her heart and to be open to new experiences speaks of the hope at the core of human existence.
For Ulrika has had more than her fair share of heartbreak. Not least when her then boyfriend Markus Kempen walked out the day after their daughter Bo was born, and diagnosed with serious heart problems. How does any woman come back from such a blow?
They could do what Ulrika did and somehow set sail in the storm with a smile on her face.
After everything she has been through she now tells her potential suitors that she is ‘kind, loving, fiercely independent and hardworking’ and would like a ‘new phase of life to begin’.
i suspect it is a phase we are going to hear a lot more about.
What an utter nutter.