Ul­rika’s nuts to date again ...but you have to admire her

Scottish Daily Mail - - Life -

YoU have to admire Ul­rika Jon­s­son’s op­ti­mism, if noth­ing else. After three failed mar­riages and four chil­dren by four dif­fer­ent fa­thers, the 52-year-old tele­vi­sion per­son­al­ity could be for­given for throw­ing her­self in a nun­nery for ever.

For strap­ping on a reg­i­ment-proof chastity belt, lac­ing up a pair of chunky man-re­pel­lent shoes and bolt­ing the door be­hind her.

We would all un­der­stand if she de­cided, after such se­rial fail­ure in the happy-ever-after stakes, to for­sake men and to give up on ro­mance in per­pe­tu­ity. To fi­nally ac­cept that if there is a Mr Right he took a wrong turn down Dead End Gulch many moons ago.

But no. This lone­some cow­girl ain’t hang­ing up her guns any time soon. Ul­rika has joined an over-50s dat­ing site, prov­ing that she still be­lieves in love, de­spite ev­ery­thing that love has done to her.

This con­vic­tion is some­thing of a sea­sonal mir­a­cle, like bright-eyed tur­keys still be­liev­ing Christ­mas to be the most won­der­ful time of the year, even as they scam­per to­wards their basted doom.

And while Ul­rika may be a re­tired weather girl with a tat­too on her arm that reads fem-uh-nist (oh dear) she is not go­ing to spend the rest of her days qui­etly des­ic­cat­ing on her Home Coun­ties sofa, eat­ing cream cheese crisp­breads and watch­ing re­peats of Flog it!, which is ex­actly what i would ad­vise.

in­stead, the crazy fool has ad­ver­tised her­self on a dat­ing web­site, where she an­nounced she is look­ing for a new part­ner, prefer­ably some­one who is ‘not full of them­selves’. Press the pause but­ton right there. Ul­rika. A word. Men — and women — who are full of them­selves never re­alise that they gluti­nously over­flow in such an over­bear­ing way, so don’t waste your time.

The edict does make me won­der about her emo­tional in­tel­li­gence and phoney baloney de­tec­tion skills, al­though her triple-di­vorce sta­tus and dat­ing his­tory sug­gest they never were highly at­tuned.

What do you give the woman who has dated Sven-Go­ran Eriks­son, Stan Col­ly­more, Les Fer­di­nand, Mick Huck­nall and Vic Reeves, among oth­ers?

A medal for ser­vices above and beyond the call of booty duty, for a start. Fol­lowed by an op­er­a­tion to sur­gi­cally re­move the rose-tinted glasses she ap­pears to have worn for most of her life.

‘Hon­esty val­ued. No ar­ro­gant men need ap­ply,’ writes Ul­rika on her dat­ing pro­file, sug­gest­ing she has learned at least one les­son on her rocky route march to love.

She also posted pho­to­graphs of her­self pos­ing like mad, fling­ing back her hair with­out a care in the world. The snaps look about ten years old — so much for hon­esty! Yet

Ul­rika is only 52, still decades away from the kind of age where the only ac­cept­able af­fair of the heart is a by­pass — ac­cord­ing to Joan Rivers.

And it is per­fectly un­der­stand­able that she wants to be in a lov­ing re­la­tion­ship. After all, it is what most of hu­man­ity wants, too.

Lone­li­ness is a dead­en­ing blight, a knotweed of silent de­spair that lurks un­seen un­der the sur­face of so­ci­ety. Why not do ev­ery­thing you can to turn away from its gloomy em­brace?

TURN­iNG 50 does not mean turn­ing off your feel­ings, or to sud­denly stop yearn­ing for love. in­deed, it is to Ul­rika’s enor­mous credit that she is will­ing to go through po­ten­tially more grief after all those failed re­la­tion­ships and decades of heart­break.

Yet many might won­der why she both­ers to put her­self through it, or why she can’t take up a nice hobby in­stead. Gar­den­ing, after all, is good for the soul. i can per­son­ally vouch for the quiet plea­sures of knit­ting on a cold and love­less night. Mean­while the con­so­la­tory joys of ice cream and gin should not be over­looked.

Ul­rika de­scribes her­self in her on­line pro­file as a ‘nut­ter’.

No ar­gu­ments from me — but do you know what? i can’t be cyn­i­cal about this.

i think her join­ing a dat­ing site is noth­ing short of pretty damn won­der­ful. To still have good cheer in her heart and to be open to new ex­pe­ri­ences speaks of the hope at the core of hu­man ex­is­tence.

For Ul­rika has had more than her fair share of heart­break. Not least when her then boyfriend Markus Kem­pen walked out the day after their daugh­ter Bo was born, and di­ag­nosed with se­ri­ous heart prob­lems. How does any woman come back from such a blow?

They could do what Ul­rika did and some­how set sail in the storm with a smile on her face.

After ev­ery­thing she has been through she now tells her po­ten­tial suit­ors that she is ‘kind, lov­ing, fiercely in­de­pen­dent and hard­work­ing’ and would like a ‘new phase of life to be­gin’.

i sus­pect it is a phase we are go­ing to hear a lot more about.

What an ut­ter nut­ter.

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