Well done for keep­ing your dig­nity

Scottish Daily Mail - - Inspire -

DOM SAYS:

FIRSTLY, I’m so sorry to hear that you had your heart bro­ken so badly. It must have been in­cred­i­bly dis­tress­ing to have your fu­ture hopes dashed like that — and I re­ally don’t blame you for re­treat­ing from the fray.

In fact, more than not blam­ing you, I ap­plaud you for not go­ing down the ca­sual sex route. It of­ten seems as though peo­ple today have sex as eas­ily as they shake hands. We do seem to live in a very ca­sual world, and some peo­ple barely need to be in­tro­duced be­fore they’re at it.

I’m no prude, but I re­ally don’t think one-night stands are good for any­one, so I’m not sur­prised you say they left you cold. Good for you for ad­mit­ting it!

Sex with some­one you don’t know is gen­er­ally heart­less — and who would want that in their life? I con­grat­u­late you on main­tain­ing your dig­nity.

Through­out our lives, we have good sex, bad sex, medi­ocre sex, fan­tas­tic sex — and no sex at all! It varies, and it’s com­pletely nor­mal. It ebbs and flows.

Here’s an­other thing peo­ple rarely ad­mit: sex isn’t that big a deal. I know many hap­pily mar­ried cou­ples who haven’t had sex for years. We live in a so­ci­ety that tries to con­vince us that if we haven’t had sex eight times be­fore break­fast, then we’re fail­ures. It’s ab­so­lute blither­ing rub­bish. Be­lieve me when I tell you, we all get headaches.

In the real world, we’re all wor­ried about life and love and dash­ing about fran­ti­cally just get­ting on with things — we’re not spend­ing our time think­ing about sex or hav­ing it any­thing like as fre­quently as peo­ple would have you be­lieve.

And here’s the thing: it’s not about know­ing how to have good sex, it’s about hav­ing it with the right per­son. Good sex is about com­pat­i­bil­ity — not abil­ity.

Which leads me on to my next point — how to find the right per­son. I must say, I know ev­ery­one seems to be on web­sites and the like, but I also think they of­ten have an em­pha­sis on sex.

If you do de­cide to go down the on­line dat­ing route, I’d make it clear in your pro­file that you’re look­ing for friend­ship and com­pan­ion­ship first and fore­most — that should weed out the men only look­ing for one thing.

Ac­tu­ally, I think fo­cus­ing on friends is the right thing to do in any case. Join a book club. Take up a sport. Find a new hobby. Fill your life with things that in­ter­est you, but stop try­ing to find some­thing that fright­ens you.

Peo­ple come into our lives at the strangest mo­ments. When the right per­son does ap­pear, this will stop be­ing an is­sue.

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