With Oti’s help, the stocky shy boy transformed into a snake-hipped man-serpent
AND in the end it was Kelvin who triumphed. Arise Sir Kelvin Fletcher, the stone cold foxy favourite of Strictly ladies who letch; an appetite whetter for gals who ought to know better – but don’t. ‘You have good assets,’ purred judge Moti Mabuse after Kelvin’s very first dance, way back in the ancient mists of week one.
This was after he had performed a blistering samba that had fellow judge Shirley Ballas pleading for climacteric clemency.
‘I am the oldest woman here,’ she said, fanning her brow. ‘You will have to give me a moment.’
The die was cast, the game was afoot, the sexy mood was set solid in a ferment of she-cement.
It would be utterly wrong to diminish Strictly Come Dancing (BBC1) as a mere ogle-fest for middle aged women who need a distraction now that events have rendered handsome cad Hugh Grant a personal and political disaster too far.
Yet week after week it was noticeable that the Beeb wasted no opportunity to pour poor Kelvin into a variety of ten denier shirts and second-skin trousers that accentuated his sinewy chest, grenade-shaped biceps and explosive hips.
Sometimes he looked like he was in a catsuit fashioned from a single pop sock. Occasionally he seemed to be trussed up like a turkey under a layer of diaphanous butter muslin, but he didn’t seem to mind.
‘It has been an absolute privilege,’ he said, after hanging up his gossamer jeggings, still twitching, for the last time. And so say all of us.
Kelvin and his professional dance partner Oti Mabuse – Mosti’s younger sister – were crowned the winners of Strictly 2019 on Saturday night. In this patchy 17th series they were worthy champions in every way, perhaps even the saviours of the entire run.
The judging was weird, sometimes the scoring didn’t make sense and the early departures of star turns such as Dev Griffin and Michelle Visage were blows. Yet the blossoming of Kelvin and Oti
was a major consolation. For watching Oti dance has been one of the best things about Strictly since the 29-year-old joined in 2015.
Not only is she utter heaven in the ballroom, she is also an unselfish choreographer; one who always brings out the best in her partner.
It was a serendipitous pairing. Former Emmerdale actor Kelvin had only been drafted at the last minute to replace television personality Jamie Laing, who injured himself in rehearsal. He turned out to be the star turn in an odd series that often failed to hit the mark. At first glance he seemed an unlikely ballroom dancer full stop; stocky, manly, a little bit shy.
Yet he had an inner rhythm and a heart that danced to a bold beat.
Against all the odds he turned out to be a man-serpent with a cobra spine to match his snake hips. Good to see that for once, the humble bloke with the strong work ethic won out in the end. Kelvin and Oti faced tough competition from fellow finalists Karim Zeroual and Amy Dowden, while Emma Barton and Anton Du Beke were hot on their heels till the very last step.
This was the third time that Du Beke had reached the final. Now 53, he had rather struggled against the quicksilver energy and exuberance of the younger professional dancers on the show.
If he does return next year, one suspects that he will be glad, not sad, to once more fall into the forgiving embrace of a clodhopper no-hoper such as Ann Widdecombe or Judy Murray.
Elsewhere glamazon hostess with the leastess, Tess Daly, outdid herself by continually patronising the contestants (‘So sweet, your little face’). Even in the final she was still calling Kelvin ‘Kevin’ while Claudia Winkleman clattered around in her heels, secure in the misplaced conviction that she is a much loved eccentric.
Strictly remains successful in spite of Tess and Claudia, but are we waltzing towards the final chapter in the franchise? This year there was the inescapable feeling that something had peaked, and it wasn’t just Anton.
Yet while all the other major reality shows curdle in a custard of malice and dull repetition, Strictly remains a family favourite; a show with high production values, a vibrant pulse and a wholesome appeal.
The last word goes to Kelvin Fletcher, who nearly cried when he was awarded the glitterball trophy. ‘I think this show represents everything that is amazing with this country, I think the people personify what is great,’ he said, sweating under his macho scanties like a weeping cheese.
And in the end, it was hard to disagree.