HORRID LIFELESS TORTURE
Superb De Bruyne helps City stroll past soft, squishy Arsenal
Maybe they’re good at something else, arsenal. Like general knowledge. Maybe they’ve got a really good pub quiz team on a Tuesday night.
Here we are, berating them for letting Manchester City stroll through the heart of their midfield to score three times in the first half, when we’d be dead impressed if we got them on the Tudors, say, or european capitals.
This game was done after 15 minutes when the second went in, and officially pronounced dead on 40 when Kevin De bruyne scored the third.
What a game he had. a character called Kevin hasn’t run rings around so many hapless incompetents at Christmas since the last Home
Alone. and there was rich humour in the occasional cuts to the Manchester City bench, occupied by Pep Guardiola’s assistant Mikel arteta, frowning.
Was he disappointed that City had eased off too much in the second half, or contemplating the horror of being presented with the opportunity to manage their opponents? arteta is one of the 12 men arsenal wish to interview about their vacancy. The thought was enough to make even the most accomplished coach shudder.
Where to start with a team who are not motivated enough to close City down early, or take action against Fernandinho or De bruyne bringing the ball along the most direct route to goal?
Good managers have been made to look bad here, so what chance did Freddie Ljungberg have attempting to make his name? arsenal’s interim boss looked to be sinking deeper and deeper into his plush, red seat. This was a horrid, lifeless performance. The game, once lost, was played out at training-ground pace.
De bruyne was quite superb. He scored twice and was unlucky not to have a hat-trick comprised solely of wonderful shots when bernd Leno made a fabulous save just before half-time. Phil Foden started, impressed, made one goal and was then inexplicably removed by Guardiola (right) for bernardo Silva ten minutes into the second half. Unless he was injured, he could have continued teasing arsenal until the end.
Not that City were in the mood for torture. They eased off in the second half, the win long assured, and by then the home support were too disappointed to even muster fury. Mesut Ozil was substituted to some muted boos, but mostly disinterest. The greatest beneficiaries
of his work this weekend were those Arsenal fans in China who were unable to watch the game as a result of Ozil’s comments about the treatment of Uighur Muslims. The club distanced themselves from his protest quicker than one could say lickspittles, so it is not just the players that lack resolve.
Arsenal and City have met six times across the last three seasons and Arsenal have conceded 17 goals in those games. City, of course, are very good — but yesterday they didn’t even need to be at their best.
De Bruyne’s accuracy had the game won early and as City’s travellers mockingly pointed out, Arsenal’s fans — and players — might as well have gone off and done their Christmas shopping by that point.
Yet what did Arsenal’s fans expect? That they would put three goals past West Ham, the flakiest team in the league, and it would all come up roses from there? That Nicolas Pepe would become Premier League-ready on the back of one good spell in one half of one match?
For nine minutes in that game last Monday, Arsenal looked useful. Before that — even after it, pretty much — most of those inside the Olympic Stadium thought they were watching the poorest Arsenal team they had seen.
And that is what turned up yesterday. An Arsenal team with a middle so soft and squishy it could have been plucked by your grandmother from a Christmas tin of Roses left next to her fire by mistake.
Having flattered inside the first minute when a long ball over the top caused chaos in City’s defence and Gabriel Martinelli forced a strong save from Ederson, normal service was resumed.
Arsenal were swiftly extinguished, a goal down after 89 seconds. Fernandinho brought the ball from the back as if waved through, encountering no opposition as he advanced into Arsenal’s half, feeding it wide to Gabriel Jesus. He reached the by-line and cut the ball back for De Bruyne who rifled it, first time, into the roof of the net. It was a fabulous strike, a fabulous goal, but one couldn’t help but return to the ease with which it had been created. No one should have been granted the safe passage that Fernandinho received. Boris Johnson’s motorcade had a tougher journey from Buckingham Palace to Downing Street on Friday.
Yet live and don’t learn seems to be the motto around these parts, so in the 15th minute, City scored again. An Arsenal forward move ended with possession lost and City launched a counter-attack. If that implies speed, rest assured it was not necessary. City simply went through the motions, at one time De Bruyne deploying a casual one-two over significant distance with Jesus in the heart of the pitch, before crossing to Raheem Sterling to finish unmarked at the far post.
Rodrigo was booked for a foul on Sead Kolasinac which saw the full-back exit the field moments later and while Arsenal were waiting for Bukayo Saka to be ready — raising the question why he hadn’t been able to come on immediately, given Kolasinac had already received extensive treatment — City scored their third.
Foden played the ball to De Bruyne who glided past Matteo Guendouzi as if he wasn’t there before striking a low shot that eluded Leno, another beautiful piece of placement.
The Belgian could have even added a fourth two minutes before half-time when Foden went on another skilful run and De Bruyne took the ball off his toes to shoot from the edge of the area. Leno just got his fingertips to the ball, diverting it on to a post.
It was 5.15pm by then, so far too late for Arsenal’s fans to do something useful with the afternoon. The big stores had already shut up shop. It is more than Arsenal can do.